Looking for advice

[RadRacer]

Well, I've fallen madly in love with this amazing girl; we've been going out for 3 months and I just have that feeling that everything is meant to be for us. Only downside is my parents. They're very strict especially when it comes to school; I'm 20yrs old and have an 11 o'clock curfew! :( This week being Christmas break, they decided to give me a break and extend it to midnight: woo! I'm getting sick of their stupid rules: they tell me to come home for no reason at all (say they need my help or want to see me, then I get home and sit in my room), give me BS curfews (like above; 11pm! or midnight if they're feeling generous), claim I do nothing around the house (even though I do more than my siblings), and I not only pay my own food, gas, and part of my insurance, but I also give my brother $50 a week to spend and go out of my way each day to pick up my sister from school. So, I'm fairly self-supportive, but I know I can't afford it on my own. My g/f and I have been talking about getting an apartment together, and I think that will solve a lot of my problems, but then everyone keeps telling me not to move in with a g/f. We've been together for 3 months with pretty much no fights (little things here and there, but we're over it in a few minutes), so I don't think we'll have a problem living together. Another option was my best friend, but he's not too great at managing money, and I know he will be late on rent....I'm already looking for another job (either a 2nd or a better paying one) to help cover the costs, but I need to get away from my parents. I'm tired of being under-appreciated by my own parents. I know they do alot more for me than I do for them, but still. My dad even tells me stories about when he was my age and all the fun he had, but now he's not letting me have any of that. Someone help me out here; I know they mean the best, but I can't stand it anymore. I'm gonna try and talk to them this weekend, but my dad is usually busy with work

[firebirddrvr]

Re: Looking for advice

personal advice....3 months is no where near long enough. u NEED to have the major fights first to see how you handle that. little petty fights dont mean anything. You think not fighting is good but fighting is good. If you cant handle a major arguement now, you definately wont be able to when you live together. I would at least give it another 6 months IMO. i know it sucks but yeah my .02.


as for the friend....if hes bad with money...wouldnt do it. you will get shafted on the rent and will hurt your credit which will haunt you for years. better off dealing with a few months of crap rather than years. once again though....just my .02

[venom3300]

Re: Looking for advice

does ur college offer on campus housing? i would start there... or find a cheap apartment with a roommate.

i dont advise moving in with her. i mean if u do have a real fight, or beak up ur screwed... i know thats not what u want to hear...

[RadRacer]

Re: Looking for advice

We've had little fights; we did have a pretty good argument just after our one month where things almost went down hill, but we worked through it. Ever since that, we've been real close....

I get what you guys are saying though; one fight and I could be out. But, if I do move in with her, I'd most likely get it in my name :P And I've been looking for a cheap apartment....looking at one now for $460/month :)

[LETZRIDE]

Re: Looking for advice

personally I would sit down with the rents and have a long talk about how you feel...at 20 years old you should be on your own and independant..you need to find out why they feel the way they do and work on it from there...but deal with it in a responsible "adult manner"...not throw a hissy fit or any crap like that...

I wouldnt move in with a g.f at your stage yet...too soon, and that can be a bigger headache...find the route of the issue that your rents have and chip away at it a little bit at a time...

[RadRacer]

Re: Looking for advice

personally I would sit down with the rents and have a long talk about how you feel...at 20 years old you should be on your own and independant..you need to find out why they feel the way they do and work on it from there...but deal with it in a responsible "adult manner"...not throw a hissy fit or any crap like that...

I wouldnt move in with a g.f at your stage yet...too soon, and that can be a bigger headache...find the route of the issue that your rents have and chip away at it a little bit at a time...

That's the plan, but it seems we never have time together.....

[ssms5411]

Re: Looking for advice

Your 20 years old , you shouldn't have a curfew, I never had one when I was 16 years old and driving. My mom and dad always trusted us to make the right decisons because we never got into any trouble. This is in 1990 so I don't know if things are different now with parents. But if you are going to school and paying your own way you should be able to do what you want. But also don't let girls get in your way of school and your family. Put them second or third because you never know how the girl is going to turn out , I've been burnt twice now because I thought it was the right one and I'm sure other guys and chim in and give their opinion on girls and how they can screw you over. Finish your college first then start a serious relationship when your out on your own. Thats the only good advice I can give if I was 20 again, good luck.

[stevethepirate]

Re: Looking for advice

Lol @ 11pm curfew. In 10th grade my parents gave me a 3am curfew... which then got bumped to 4am... which then was removed altogether.

I would say suck it up and stay with your parents until you're done with school and have a bit more time with the girl. I personally hate relationships (emotionless sex ftw), but I would imagine that 3 months is hardly enough to determine whether you should live together.

[venom3300]

Re: Looking for advice

yeah definitely talk to your parents, your grown... u shouldnt have an 11am curfew. figure out their reasoning.

and if u cant reason, $460 apartment ftw

[LETZRIDE]

Re: Looking for advice

yeah definitely talk to your parents, your grown... u shouldnt have an 11am curfew. figure out their reasoning.

and if u cant reason, $460 apartment ftw

I see that as running from a problem that only seperates families further down the road...can't run from your problems...gotta stand up and face em...a good talk will go a long way in figuring out what there issue is, then work from there...

family and friends are number 1 priority well before your significant other...

[truekoa]

Re: Looking for advice

yeah dont move out man your in way over your head

I'm 20, gf is 19 weve been together for 3 years and we fight all the time and yes fighting is good. but 3 months is no way to base a relationship on.

I never had a curfew but my mom was protective and all I had to do was let her know where I was at. If the talk doesn't work out, figure out some sort of compromise with your parents, heck drop some of the things you're doing to see how they feel about it lol.

But give it a little more time with the girl, get the better job, talk to your parents. Right now its girl, money, parents; so first talk to your parents, find a better paying job, and give it some more time with the girl.

[Mighty Thor]

Re: Looking for advice

Don't get emotions mixed in with logic. 3 mo. sure, but that's honeymoon period. Once your living together you two will experience things on a different level.

Well your parents love you, trust me. They really do care for you. Sure parents nag, but what parents doesn't. You simply have to respect them and go by their rules, why because it is their house and you are living there. You can negotiate with them and reach a compromise.



I've worked with troubled youth in the pass and you know what from what I've seen these guys have no structure or discipline. They pretty did whatever they want. I've also worked with single mothers. I've helped them through gains program so that they could get a certificate from a vocational school so they could work in a better paying job in order to support their babies and get them off welfare and also get their GED. These young girls are pretty much the same story. Many them are shacking up with their boyfriends who pretty much have no intention of marrying them. They're just their for the sex and lodging.

[flamingchicken]

Re: Looking for advice

I see that as running from a problem that only seperates families further down the road...can't run from your problems...gotta stand up and face em...a good talk will go a long way in figuring out what there issue is, then work from there...

family and friends are number 1 priority well before your significant other...

this.

My dad responds well to me sitting down and talking to him face to face. he used to set crazy rules like all through high school i had a 11pm curfew. then i got out and they, like you extended it to 12. One day i asked my dad if we could talk and i stated my case. he only had a couple things to say, 1) if you wind up in jail dont call me, 2)dont drink and drive.

as for the lady, take a week long vacation together. hell, it might not even need be that long, just spend every waking minute together for a couple days. ever wanna get to know someone, take a vacation with them. If you can stand her for more that 4 days, i say go for it.

[3800SoloWing]

Re: Looking for advice

I grew up with overbearing parents about curfews and sh!t like that, but dont use a g/f as leverage to get out of that curfew, much less move out. If you decide to move out, just keep in mind that you will have the apartment, utilities, insurance, gas, and food to pay for. IF you have or can get a job that pays well over $1500 a month, go for it. Otherwise like everyone said, talk to your old man and woman. Moving out isnt always the answer, but if you have $100 laying around, get a hotel for a couple nights and live with eachother nonstop for that time frame just to test the waters to see if you two are ready. 3 months is not alot of time together.

[RadRacer]

Re: Looking for advice

It seems you guys think I'm moving out just to be with her. That's part of it sure, but I'd also be using her to help cover my expenses. It's not just rent, but gas, insurance, food, utilities, etc; I know I can't cover it right now (roughly $1000/month) but she makes just a bit more then me, and I think the two of us can handle it, especially if I get this other job. The vacation thing is a good idea though; might give that a try.