Bad day, really pissed

[ssms5411]

So I went to go pick up some meds today which my wifes house is on the way about 1:20PM. She has been really nice to me over the months we have been seperated and saying she still loves me and doesn't want a divorce. So I haven't filled for it. So I pull up and there is a silver Honda Civic in the drive, I start to walk up and some young 21 year old kid comes out 5'5 110LBS maybe, I'm 6'4 280LBS and says I'm just giving her a ride to work and went to his car , looked like he was going to crap his pants, I asked her whats up , she says why didn't you call before you came over, I told her I don't need to call when I want to come over and she said hes just giving me a ride to work we have to car pull. I said ,you told me you worked 3:30 PM to 12:30 AM , and she just said were going in early and wouldn't let me inside, i was there Sun. morning picking up stuff and she had already took down all our wedding pictures and such and was axcting strange. She lies about everything even to her rich mom and dad to get money from them. So I just can't trust her anymore , I'm just confused with the stroke asked to be moved out of the house, and all the meds I take, so I know I don't think right and don't have the sense to see if she is just pulling a fast one on me. If she stays married to me and say if I die in one of my surgeries she'll get like $800 a month until 65 years old, but if I divorce her she will get zero and I will leave my money to my Mom and Dad. So I was thinking I should go over there at 10:30 PM to see if she did go to work early and comes home. I don't know I'm really confused , she says she loves me but we don't spend time together, she is always with her friends and family and I'm 3rd in line when it comes to the relationship and its been like that since my stroke, in April it will be 8 years married but I moved out last year in OCT. . So what do you guys think, either your experiences or what you know? Thanks

[firebird19_99]

Re: Bad day, really pissed

i wish i could say something to help you out but im only 21 and am barely in one of my first serious relationships. All i can say is i hope everything turns out on the positive side for you

[T-Mill]

Re: Bad day, really pissed

Only advice I can give is to keep any accusations to yourself until you know something for sure... My sister just went through a separation with her husband who I'm really good friends with so I was kind of in the middle of the two of them. I know from their experience that the one thing that both people experience is confusion. I had to set the record straight to both of them a few times because they started thinking things about eachother that weren't true, and they only thought them because everyone's mind tries to make sense of things when they don't make sense. We try so hard to figure out why things work out the way they do that our judgement becomes clouded and we start "making things up" in our minds so that what's going on will "make sense."

I'm not saying that you're wrong, because it does sound fishy as you described it and it's something to definitely keep in mind and maybe do more to find out more... but I know from my limited experience that accusing someone of doing something wrong when they didn't do it can sometimes be just as bad for you as it would have been for the other person if they'd actually been doing what you accused them of...

Hang in there, man...

[youngsc]

Re: Bad day, really pissed

Better to be alone than with someone you can't trust.

Just keep one on retainer and then you don't have to worry about the what if's.

[ssms5411]

Re: Bad day, really pissed

Only advice I can give is to keep any accusations to yourself until you know something for sure... My sister just went through a separation with her husband who I'm really good friends with so I was kind of in the middle of the two of them. I know from their experience that the one thing that both people experience is confusion. I had to set the record straight to both of them a few times because they started thinking things about eachother that weren't true, and they only thought them because everyone's mind tries to make sense of things when they don't make sense. We try so hard to figure out why things work out the way they do that our judgement becomes clouded and we start "making things up" in our minds so that what's going on will "make sense."

I'm not saying that you're wrong, because it does sound fishy as you described it and it's something to definitely keep in mind and maybe do more to find out more... but I know from my limited experience that accusing someone of doing something wrong when they didn't do it can sometimes be just as bad for you as it would have been for the other person if they'd actually been doing what you accused them of...

Hang in there, man...

Thanks man, I know I get really jealous since the stroke but its mainly from the past where she wouldn't answer her phone and stay out late, and sometimes come home the next day and said she fell asleep on her girlfriends couch , but it still doesn't excuess her from calling. then my mind wonders and think the worst and I can't stop the way I think, missing 25% of my brain has alot to do with it, the part that is dead is suppoe to be your emoissions mostly plus I had bad experiences in the past with girls cheating and she knows this and still doesn't call when she is going to be late, when we were living together. She does it to piss me off , so just to get the stress out of my life , I think I should just file the papers, pickup the rest of my stuff and move on. I would think if your marrried the one your married to should be 1st in line instaed of freinds and family. thats just me though. Thanks again.

[ssms5411]

Re: Bad day, really pissed

Better to be alone than with someone you can't trust.

Just keep one on retainer and then you don't have to worry about the what if's.

Thats true too, I don't trust her and she makes no effort for me to trust her, its just more stress if you can't trust them and I don't want to stress out to the point where I suffer another stroke. The first one was we were not getting along because she would be out all night, and sh didn't want to work so I was working 5 -12 hour shifts a week which wore me down. . I use to be alot more aware before my stroke, and after it was like party time for her becuase with the meds and me sleeping alo, so I didn't know what was going on. Thanks for the info man, it was short but its straight to the point.

[youngsc]

Re: Bad day, really pissed

Had a girl like that years ago. I was busting my *** working two jobs so she didn't have to work as much. Even when she spent it all on whatever instead of the bills I didn't let it get to me, she racked up my credit cards and I wrote it off, she was even going out behind my back and not telling me about it. It did hurt when I finally walked away but it taught me a valuable lesson and provided inspiration for one of my tattoos. Respect Everyone, Trust Noone

[bigairboarder44]

Re: Bad day, really pissed

i had a sort of similar situation as youngsc, girl did whatever she wanted and didnt care about my feelings, who knows how many guys she got with while we were together. she was a total *****. i know i was a total idiot for staying with her for as long as i did, but i got my head out of my *** and on straight and left her and found another girl i couldnt be happier with.

[youngsc]

Re: Bad day, really pissed

Plenty of other fish. Like I said if one don't work for you and you don't like the **** they give you then just keep em' on retainer.

Another thing to remember they're fun and games till you put that ring on their finger, once you do that it's like it voids the warranty and they start putting greater demands on you. Kinda like when a car warranty goes out.

[Blizzard242]

Re: Bad day, really pissed

Steve, this is an incredibly ****ty situation. Do what you think is right, but.. If it were me, I'd be divorced the day my wife asked me to move out. However in this situation, if things are getting better and she claims she loves you I'd start talk about moving back in together and see what she says about that. If she doesn't bite, i'd be getting worried then. I don't know half of the situation though so take any of my advice with a grain of salt. Best of luck man.

[vanbibber]

Re: Bad day, really pissed

run steve, run for the hills! if you cant trust her 100% its already over.

[ssms5411]

Re: Bad day, really pissed

I always have bad luck when it comes to women, the first woman I was engaged to at 26 has too many emontional problems of abandonment from her parents, mom died of Cancer when she was 14 and at 18 she got custody of her 14 year old brother becuase her father left them, so she was going out all night and sleeping around so I ended that one. My current wife is basicly controlled by her Mom and Dad who give her what ever she wants , she was off of work for almost 2 years and they gave her money and after my stroke started going out all the time, I had to drive myself to rehab becuase she was out all night and didn't want to get up, this is 2 weeks out of the hospital and I wasn't suppose to drive for 4-6 months. I don't know what to do , I have known her for 11 years and thought she was a good woman who loved me , but after my stroke it was like I let her down, and it was my fault putting more stress on her. So I'm just really confused on what to do, maybe it is my fault.

[Mogobs30th]

Re: Bad day, really pissed

Im too much of a cold hearted bastard to feel for ya. You know she's bad, Im not sure what you're holding out for at this point. Just get the hell out of the relationship, and stop wasting what little time you have on this planet on "hope". I have a friend of mine doing the same stupid ****. Wasting time on hope that she might come around, instead of doing the logical and rational thing by getting out of the relationship.

You're wasting valuable time on this planet even talking on here about it, instead of acting and doing the right thing. Just get rid of her, cut her off, give her what she is legally entitled to, and be done with it.

[Mighty Thor]

Re: Bad day, really pissed

I'm so sorry Steve.

I consider you a good friend and as a friend I think you should let her go now. You don't need to investigate it. You already know the truth.

With the condition you're in you don't need the stress, which can only add burden to your health. You should only focus on you now in getting better.

--------------------


My brother was doing the same thing too. He put his friends first before his wife. He was cheating on her big time. Last year, Dec. to be exact, my bro. got a divorce from her. My family was blaming her for divorcing him, but it's my bro. who did this and won't own up to it and my family is in denial.

When they were married he would only see her once or twice a week. Her company moved 70 miles away and she stayed with that company in order to have a job. She was staying with her aunt who lived there during the work week, while she was hoping to find another job closer to their home, but because of the bad economy she wasn't able too and so she's stuck with her job.

My bro. saw this as an opportunity to hang out more with his buddies who happen to cheat on their wives too.

This poor sister in-law of mine knew he was cheating, but because she was a strong Catholic she stuck with him, hoping he would change. He never did. I tried my best too to change him, but his friends were far more important than me and her.

I'm glad she divorced him, because she doesn't deserve it --- and NEITHER do YOU deserve this.

[Opontee]

Re: Bad day, really pissed

Are there kids involved? If not, get OUT. It's not worth another stroke. I would rather die alone than to die with someone who didn't care about me.

My ex left for 8 months, messed around, I knew it, I let her back, I wouldn't give her access to my bank acount and then she wanted a divorce. Of course she was just in it for the money. I made alot then and make more now, she takes me back to court every chance she gets to get more. I cant' wait until my daughter gets to be 18, 5 1/2 more years. Then the $700 (as of now) a month ends. I hate paying for her and her hubbys stupid travel trailer.

Oh yea, she married her baby sisters boyfriend. Now that is screwed up.