At what point...

[Blizzard242]

At what point do you stop "lending" money to a girl and start "sharing" it with her not expecting anything back?

Now I imagine a ton of you would say marriage and I'm on that boat too. But my gf and I bought a house together before marriage and we're not on the same page with the finances. I make more than her so she's always borrowing money but they're usually in small amounts so I don't expect her to pay me back. Like 15 or 20 bucks here and there.

So recently I've been strapped for cash, and we wanted to get a few games so I threw them on my credit card. 2 copies of Dead Island and Gears 3 each. I told her she has to pay me back for them which comes out to like 120. She's acting almost as if I owe her this stuff. I say bull**** and so starts the argument. This also lead to me putting my foot down with all the other micro "loans" and paying for alcohol on the weekends.

I've had enough when I only have 20 bucks for this week and she's all talking about buying paint with her extra money for the living room and whatever other bull**** for this weekend.

So like I said before, where should I be ok with giving her money and not expecting anything back? I think buying a house together doesn't change anything. Marriage may. But we're not married. Far from it right now if you ask me.

[ChibiBlackSheep]

Re: At what point...

My g/f and I are in the same situation. I make double what she makes. But we keep our money together, and we give ourselves an "allowance". Pay all our bills first, allowance some later, savings account the rest.

Money can break up a relationship, we learned to just do it this way. Any larger purchases outside of the allowance is mutually decided on first.

[EarlR]

Re: At what point...

Everyone will have a different opinion; mine is that once you move in together (whether you've bought the house or not) you've made that level of commitment where there is no longer a "mine" or "yours", but only "ours". You can certainly keep the finances separately (many married couples do), but there would be no expectation of repayment. Me personally, if I'm dating someone seriously for any length of time I figure anything I give her was a gift and not a loan.

I also have a general motto about lending to anyone - never lend any money you can't afford to give, and never count on getting it back.

[insidethreat07]

Re: At what point...

Everyone will have a different opinion; mine is that once you move in together (whether you've bought the house or not) you've made that level of commitment where there is no longer a "mine" or "yours", but only "ours". You can certainly keep the finances separately (many married couples do), but there would be no expectation of repayment. Me personally, if I'm dating someone seriously for any length of time I figure anything I give her was a gift and not a loan.

I also have a general motto about lending to anyone - never lend any money you can't afford to give, and never count on getting it back.

+1
I agree

[ssms5411]

Re: At what point...

At some point you'll have put your foot down, might as well do it sooner than later.

[Blizzard242]

Re: At what point...

Everyone will have a different opinion; mine is that once you move in together (whether you've bought the house or not) you've made that level of commitment where there is no longer a "mine" or "yours", but only "ours". You can certainly keep the finances separately (many married couples do), but there would be no expectation of repayment. Me personally, if I'm dating someone seriously for any length of time I figure anything I give her was a gift and not a loan.

I also have a general motto about lending to anyone - never lend any money you can't afford to give, and never count on getting it back.

So what you're saying is.. Trust my girlfriend but don't trust her?

[DAS BOOT]

Re: At what point...

If you don't have $120 cash for video games I'd wait and buy them later and avoid the situation.

[EarlR]

Re: At what point...

So what you're saying is.. Trust my girlfriend but don't trust her?

If you don't "lend" her the money, there's never a question of trust, now is there?

See...killed two birds with that one stone did you (he said, in his best Yoda voice).

[truekoa]

Re: At what point...

If you don't have $120 cash for video games I'd wait and buy them later and avoid the situation.

This. Needs first, wants later.

[DAS BOOT]

Re: At what point...

Also pictures of girlfriend aren't loading, that HIGHLY affects my decision making on the situation.

[Mogobs30th]

Re: At what point...

At what point do you stop "lending" money to a girl and start "sharing" it with her not expecting anything back?

Now I imagine a ton of you would say marriage and I'm on that boat too. But my gf and I bought a house together before marriage and we're not on the same page with the finances. I make more than her so she's always borrowing money but they're usually in small amounts so I don't expect her to pay me back. Like 15 or 20 bucks here and there.

So recently I've been strapped for cash, and we wanted to get a few games so I threw them on my credit card. 2 copies of Dead Island and Gears 3 each. I told her she has to pay me back for them which comes out to like 120. She's acting almost as if I owe her this stuff. I say bull**** and so starts the argument. This also lead to me putting my foot down with all the other micro "loans" and paying for alcohol on the weekends.

I've had enough when I only have 20 bucks for this week and she's all talking about buying paint with her extra money for the living room and whatever other bull**** for this weekend.

So like I said before, where should I be ok with giving her money and not expecting anything back? I think buying a house together doesn't change anything. Marriage may. But we're not married. Far from it right now if you ask me.

1. I wouldn't buy anything other than gas, food, smokes on a credit card, and then its only even an emergency. In this situation, you're not only LOANING money to your GF, but you're taking that loan FROM a bank at interest for the video games. Its mathematically stupid. Pay cash for stuff like that, and if you don't have the cash, don't buy it. I can't see the point of paying interest on something that isn't keeping me alive and working.

2. I have to say, I don't loan ****. I either give, or I don't give. I stopped loaning money to people YEARS ago, simply because I wasn't getting it back.

3. Its 2011, keep your finances separate. My brother and his wife DO NOT share accounts. They don't have no joint accounts or bills coming to the house. His name is solely on the house, and cars, her name is on the cell phones, utilities. They share no money with one another. The only bill that is split between the two (before their current separation) was the mortgage, which was in his name. The only other thing they ever shared was groceries and medical bills from my nephew.

Tell her to get a job....

[DAS BOOT]

Re: At what point...

3. Its 2011, keep your finances separate. My brother and his wife DO NOT share accounts. They don't have no joint accounts or bills coming to the house. His name is solely on the house, and cars, her name is on the cell phones, utilities. They share no money with one another. The only bill that is split between the two (before their current separation) was the mortgage, which was in his name. The only other thing they ever shared was groceries and medical bills from my nephew.

Tell her to get a job....

I think that is a bit over the top.

We have shared accounts and private accounts. Bills are paid by both, so they are in both names. Course my wife has a job and makes more money then me. I make a decent chunk of our income, but either of us would be struggling on our own.

[RPDRed6]

Re: At what point...

never lend a woman money

[Everglades W68]

Re: At what point...

At what point do you stop "lending" money to a girl and start "sharing" it with her not expecting anything back?

I never expected anything back any time.

[youngsc]

Re: At what point...

My opinion is and has always been pay it forward. I don't make a tremendous amount of money but I do have some set aside. I have a tight circle of friends and if any of them needs help I will give them the money and tell them to pay it forward. If they give me money back great, I don't expect it or ask for it. There's more important things than money and toys.