Too selfish???

[tdz16]

So its nearly 4am as you can see. I've been hashing things out with my girlfriend all night over the phone. She's about 2 hours away at college. Sometimes she's so cold and makes me feel like she doesn't need our (now almost a year long) relationship at all. All I was asking her for is to be a litte more romantic and do some cutesy things for me. I dunno, I like that stuff. I do by far, more than any guy i know does for his gf. Yet when I asked her for this, she's like, if it hasn't happened yet, I don't think i can do it. Like she doesn't even wanna try, you know? I love this board and I was just looking to see what you guys think of the matter. Do you think she could ever change and give me what I want out of the relationship? Or should I say, I'll take my care and nourishment to someone who appreciates it...aka my camaro...haha? I want girls and guys to chime in here....
~Tom

[95Batmobile]

In my experience... men don't get "cutesy" things.
It is our job to provide them, never to receive them.
Sorry pal.

[tdz16]

I'd agree, but my ex would've given me the world if she could. I guess I was spoiled. I feel like i should be able to get a little out of my gf you know? Or at least get the desire on her part to make me happy...

[Antman]

Well, My ex was kinda selfish, but now I'm with someone who really appreciates me.
Something I've learned is that being in a relationship shouldn't be a chore. In fact, if everything is good, doing cutesy things should come naturally.
I suspect that perhaps this girl isn't right for you.

[Shirl]

What exactly do you mean by "cutesy"?

[tdz16]

"love" notes, surprise visit(since she is away at school),...i dunno, any of those little things that make you feel real special to a person....

[Fredless]

If she never has done them, why start now?

Don't sweat the small stuff man. If you dump an otherwise good girl (that won't screw around on you, take advantage of you, etc.) over this, you're crazy. I've been in the "game" since last September and I hate it now. I cannot seem to find a decent girl again, either they all have f'ed up families and those are the type that want to be with me, or the ones I actually like end up not wanting relationships and just want to play. I have a strict two call policy too, if they flake twice, good bye beotch.

Consider things as a whole. Do you really want to get back into the stupid dating game?

[4thgenowner]

Maybe since shes away at school you should go and surprise her?

[Tru2Chevy]

I feel for ya man.

My girlfriend doesn't really go over the top, but I get random sweet text messages in the middle of the day, or a note left on my car at school at night with a kiss on it...things like that.

While your girl may be great otherwise, if you aren't satisfied with the relationship, and she isn't willing to work on it with you, then you have some serious thinking to do.

- Justin

[shenanigans]

I'd move on, I am sure if you keep looking you will find the right guy.

[Fredless]

Originally posted by shenanigans:
I'd move on, I am sure if you keep looking you will find the right guy.

HAHAHHAHAHA [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img]

[tWiStEdBird]

What happened to your ex? Seems like you miss her?

[tdz16]

Fredless: I really agree with you completely. I was back in the "game" for a few months after I broke up with my ex and I really wasn't enjoying it. It was so tough to first meet, then even get to know a really quality girl...which I consider my girlfriend to be.

4thgenowner: That's the thing, I go visit her all the time and surprise her. Its kinda like, its time for her to do it for me. Thats more or less what I've been talkin to her about. She needs to put up a little bit in the relationship in the way of doing special stuff for each other. Don't get me wrong, i'm not counting things I do to things she does, but it becomes obvious when its so one sided.

Justin: Yeah man, thats exactly the stuff I want from her. She does the texts during the day but its so inconsistent. Which I guess I can't make her do it everyday at the same time or what would be the point you know?? That would be stupid and not special after a while. As for like the note in the car, i'm kinda hoping she'll do that next semester since she is transferring closer to home (45 mins away..but much more accessible). It just hurts when she says she doesn't think she can do it and would like rather give up than really try...its so not like her because she really loves me and the relationship.

Shenanigans: I really hope he's out there too...I'm just waiting for that perfect sensitive guy to come along and sweep me off my feet.

twistedbird: She was the sweetest girl in the world, hands down. But she was from upstate ny and more of a stay at home type. She didn't drink or really have many friends so I felt I was her entire social life most the time which was a lot of pressure on me. I just really needed someone to motivate me and get me OUT of the house, not in. Plus, I wasn't looking to stay in bumble***k new york my whole life. If she were more social and funloving, I think it could've worked out well. I really think what justin said puts it best, I have to look at the overall picture and realize that she's amazing other than this stuff, and i guess being she's just turned 19...to my almost 21, she's still got some maturing to do and maybe that will be part of it and being in a relationship with someone willing to do those things for her will rub off. Maybe I just have to be patient....any other advice guys/gals??? I'm more than willing. BTW, I probably won't look at this post much this weekend cuz she's comin home and she'd probably kill me if she saw this...haha. Really, thanks a bunch for the help, keep it comin.
~Tom

[1DangerousV6]

shes from upstate ny and doesnt drink???..lol..j/k..anyways..id be a little more patient..maybe hint at it a little more..but not push it..give a little time to see if she eventually thinks about..and reacts to..the things you had to say..if she completely disregarded your needs..then maybe shes not the right one for you if its hurting you that badly..of course i'll NEVER tell anyone to break up with someone unless there is some type of abuse happening..i am one of those believers in fate..every tiny little thing happens for a reason..i've had my fair share of "serious" relationships..and have finally found one..with my gf who i've been with and lived with for just almost a year now..where EVERYTHING just clicks..give a little time now that you brought it up..if nothing..and you are really not happy..then you've got even more thinking to do..but whatever happens..the one for you is either already with you..or out there somewhere waiting..the only thing i can tell you for sure is that eventually..you'll find her..unless you turn gay..then..you'll find..him.. :D anyways....good luck man!

[Shirl]

Originally posted by True2Chevy:
While your girl may be great otherwise, if you aren't satisfied with the relationship, and she isn't willing to work on it with you, then you have some serious thinking to do.

I agree 100%.
It's hard to think about it that way, but he is right. It sucks when someone you truly love doesn't do nice things for you like come to visit, send notes, ect. I had a similar situation when I was in college and it often made me upset. Even worse, I made the mistake of sticking out, only to eventually realize (after several years) that I was taken for granted. Seriously think about your priorities here. You're #1 and if someone can't meet your needs, you need to look elsewhere.