political joke

[95Batmobile]

Taken from FuelSlut

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude. "

She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Democrat."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."

[Turbo V6 Camaro]

[img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img]

[BLLDOGG]

i remember that. great stuff :D

[camarofan]

A cowboy was herding cattle in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses, YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?”

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing heard and calmly answers, “Sure. Why not.”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his AT&T cell phone, surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an e-mail on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with hundreds of complex formulas. He uploads all of his data via an e-mail on his Blackberry and after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full color, 150 page repot on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP Laser Jet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take on of my calves,” says the cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then the cowboy says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then agrees.

“You’re a Democrat consultant” says the cowboy.

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”

“No guessing required,” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked; and you don’t know anything about my business. Now . . . give me back my dog.”

[BLLDOGG]

ahahahahaha thats great [img]graemlins/rock.gif[/img]

[andrew.brandon]

[img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img]

[95Batmobile]

give me back my dog [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img] [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img]

[andrew.brandon]

want to see something funnier? read 95bats sig [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img]

[BobsSilverSix]

Originally posted by andrew.brandon:
want to see something funnier? read 95bats sig [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img]

NOW I TAKE OFFENSE TO THAT! Fat kids can't run year round.....

[RallyRed 98]

that joke normally doesn't have the word "democrat" in front of "consultant."

my ex was a consultant, and it used to piss her off when i told that joke (for obvious reasons).

come up with something new.

[95Batmobile]

Originally posted by RallyRed 98:
that joke normally doesn't have the word "democrat" in front of "consultant."

my ex was a consultant, and it used to piss her off when i told that joke (for obvious reasons).

come up with something new.

Well being that I didn't come up with it, in fact I said "Taken from FuelSlut", I won't take what you said with an seriousness [img]smile.gif[/img]

Now give me back my dog [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img]

[andrew.brandon]

thats not a dog, its a fat kid running....

[RallyRed 98]

Originally posted by 95Batmobile:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by RallyRed 98:
that joke normally doesn't have the word "democrat" in front of "consultant."

my ex was a consultant, and it used to piss her off when i told that joke (for obvious reasons).

come up with something new.

Well being that I didn't come up with it, in fact I said "Taken from FuelSlut", I won't take what you said with an seriousness [img]smile.gif[/img]

Now give me back my dog [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img] </font>[/QUOTE]not your joke, camarofan's.

[95Batmobile]

Originally posted by RallyRed 98:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by 95Batmobile:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by RallyRed 98:
that joke normally doesn't have the word "democrat" in front of "consultant."

my ex was a consultant, and it used to piss her off when i told that joke (for obvious reasons).

come up with something new.

Well being that I didn't come up with it, in fact I said "Taken from FuelSlut", I won't take what you said with an seriousness [img]smile.gif[/img]

Now give me back my dog [img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img] </font>[/QUOTE]not your joke, camarofan's. </font>[/QUOTE]ooooh I see...

And you guys barely noticed my sig? LOL
It's so true though [img]redface.gif[/img]

[speedy-v6-camaro]

camarofan's joke isn't political...he just added Democrat in there....I got that joke emailed to me a long time ago.