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Well, here I am having spent another decade of my life, and much like the decade past, I cannot help but question if it was time well spent. Have I really accomplished what I expected to during the last ten years? Did I accomplish anything at all, or did I simply toss those precious years into the nearest current and ride it to its own end?
Over the last ten years, I have accomplished some positive things:
Dropped out of college a handful of credits shy of earning my degree in order to take my first real job, promising myself to go back as soon as I’m settled in the working world.
Moved out of my mother’s house (finally).
Quit smoking after having smoked two packs a day for 5 years.
Lost 50 pounds and worked myself back into reasonably good physical shape.
Landed a job for 30,000 a year, which seemed like a fortune to my inexperienced self. Learned a lot about the business world. Learned to mold my exceptional but raw and hackeresqe computer skills into a real world business. Learned how to work my way up the ladder.
Worked myself through two acquisitions and multiple corporate restructures where dozens of people were laid off. Earned salary raises to over 50,000.
Bought my first new car, a beautiful Monterey Maroon Metallic V6 Camaro with 23 miles on the odometer.
Discovered Camaroz28.com and eventually FirebirdV6.com/CamaroV6.com, met a lot of really cool and down to earth people, many of whom I now consider to be friends.
Doesn’t sound too bad, eh? Could have been worse. It was. Over the last ten years I have:
Tried to complete my degree by taking night courses, eventually leading to two unsuccessful attempts, thousands of dollars wasted, and two failing grades.
Gained back the 50 pounds I had lost.
Ended up in several outright bar fights, earning myself a few thousand dollars in hospital bills in the process.
Battled with sometimes infrequent but often constant bouts of depression that left me unable to function.
Developed a nasty drug and alcohol problem which resulted in three years of my life erased in a blur of smoke and shot glasses.
Completely ignored my social life. I’ve been single for the last ten years, with the monotony broken occasionally by one night stands or single dates that never went any further because I was too burnt out to cope.
Cornered myself into a dead end job with no possibility of advancement. I haven’t earned a raise in three years.
Smashed my precious Camaro twice. Ended up having to spend 6,000 to get it repaired, or trade it in and take a huge loss.
Racked up over 25,000 in credit card debt because I no longer cared about the outcome. I couldn’t see my future past tomorrow, and frankly, I didn’t care to.
Started smoking again after having quit successfully for 7 years. Developed a 1-2 pack a day habit.
Was diagnosed with type-2 diabetes and severe hypertension due to genetic factors, a diet heavy in disgusting fast food, and a whole lot of alcohol use.
That’s the last ten years of my life, in a nut shell. I don’t really expect too many people to care, but for some reason I felt the need to post this. Possibly more for my own good and the act of doing so rather than for any responses that might be forthcoming.
I think I’m on the right track. I’ve quit smoking again (7 months), found an anti depressant that is really helping my depression, turned my abuse of alcohol into more of a bad vice than alcoholism, learned about nutrition and modified my diet. In many ways I feel like I’m emerging from a 10 year blizzard in which I was unable to see more than ten feet in front of my face. An emotional deep freeze, if you will.
But, now, sitting here, 2 hours away from that fatal clock-tick that will more or less confirm without a doubt that I’ve reached 30, I can’t help but feel as if it’s too little, too late. Can I find my way back into the corporate world and start climbing that ladder again having stagnated in a dead end job for so long? What if I want a real relationship, god forbid, a family? Do I? And if so, is it too late? Where will the next ten years take me. I’m the only one who can answer that. I hope that I can.
Thanks for listening.
Over the last ten years, I have accomplished some positive things:
Dropped out of college a handful of credits shy of earning my degree in order to take my first real job, promising myself to go back as soon as I’m settled in the working world.
Moved out of my mother’s house (finally).
Quit smoking after having smoked two packs a day for 5 years.
Lost 50 pounds and worked myself back into reasonably good physical shape.
Landed a job for 30,000 a year, which seemed like a fortune to my inexperienced self. Learned a lot about the business world. Learned to mold my exceptional but raw and hackeresqe computer skills into a real world business. Learned how to work my way up the ladder.
Worked myself through two acquisitions and multiple corporate restructures where dozens of people were laid off. Earned salary raises to over 50,000.
Bought my first new car, a beautiful Monterey Maroon Metallic V6 Camaro with 23 miles on the odometer.
Discovered Camaroz28.com and eventually FirebirdV6.com/CamaroV6.com, met a lot of really cool and down to earth people, many of whom I now consider to be friends.
Doesn’t sound too bad, eh? Could have been worse. It was. Over the last ten years I have:
Tried to complete my degree by taking night courses, eventually leading to two unsuccessful attempts, thousands of dollars wasted, and two failing grades.
Gained back the 50 pounds I had lost.
Ended up in several outright bar fights, earning myself a few thousand dollars in hospital bills in the process.
Battled with sometimes infrequent but often constant bouts of depression that left me unable to function.
Developed a nasty drug and alcohol problem which resulted in three years of my life erased in a blur of smoke and shot glasses.
Completely ignored my social life. I’ve been single for the last ten years, with the monotony broken occasionally by one night stands or single dates that never went any further because I was too burnt out to cope.
Cornered myself into a dead end job with no possibility of advancement. I haven’t earned a raise in three years.
Smashed my precious Camaro twice. Ended up having to spend 6,000 to get it repaired, or trade it in and take a huge loss.
Racked up over 25,000 in credit card debt because I no longer cared about the outcome. I couldn’t see my future past tomorrow, and frankly, I didn’t care to.
Started smoking again after having quit successfully for 7 years. Developed a 1-2 pack a day habit.
Was diagnosed with type-2 diabetes and severe hypertension due to genetic factors, a diet heavy in disgusting fast food, and a whole lot of alcohol use.
That’s the last ten years of my life, in a nut shell. I don’t really expect too many people to care, but for some reason I felt the need to post this. Possibly more for my own good and the act of doing so rather than for any responses that might be forthcoming.
I think I’m on the right track. I’ve quit smoking again (7 months), found an anti depressant that is really helping my depression, turned my abuse of alcohol into more of a bad vice than alcoholism, learned about nutrition and modified my diet. In many ways I feel like I’m emerging from a 10 year blizzard in which I was unable to see more than ten feet in front of my face. An emotional deep freeze, if you will.
But, now, sitting here, 2 hours away from that fatal clock-tick that will more or less confirm without a doubt that I’ve reached 30, I can’t help but feel as if it’s too little, too late. Can I find my way back into the corporate world and start climbing that ladder again having stagnated in a dead end job for so long? What if I want a real relationship, god forbid, a family? Do I? And if so, is it too late? Where will the next ten years take me. I’m the only one who can answer that. I hope that I can.
Thanks for listening.
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