The story of our problems

['98 BlackBird]

As I stated in my previous post things are not going well for April (firebirdchick98) and I.
The whole problem is that we are not in love with each other. We both care about each other, but the feelings of true love is not there. April has never been in love and she wants to find that in life. I was the first guy she ever dated and I was the one that basically wanted to show her life. We married in June of 2003 after knowing each other for about 5 years.

Trust issues has played a big part in our relationship from past wrong-doings. Yes, we both cheated and that was wrong. We did forgive each other and tried to work it out for the past year, but to no avail there is still little trust with each other.

The bottom line is, April wants to find true love and I want her to stay and try to work on these issues.
Maybe I am looking for advice from some of the older, wiser members of the board. I know the majority of the members are under 23 and in the prime of your lives, but I am 30 with a daughter and I am not ready to up and look for a mate again. I am past that point in my life I think.
I want her to be happy, but I dont want it to come at my expense of being lonely with no one to go to bed with at night or wake up with in the morning.

I am worried how this may affect my daughter because she has been though this with her mommie and I once before. She loves April to death and I am worried she will not take this well.
It is better to have loved and lost than not love at all? I beg to differ. Breaking up is very traumatic to ones soul. And not being in love is very common these days. How many couples do you know that are really in love with each other and have a great marriage? Or does it just seem that way when they are together, but at night behind closed doors, there is a cold feeling there? That is us in a nutshell.

Thank you for listening (reading). I needed to get that out. [img]graemlins/love.gif[/img]

[Seppo Kaitainen]

It is a tough call. But being an older board member I will attempt to offer counsel. I was ready to get married to my last serious girlfriend. But she apparently did not love me even though she told me many, many times that she did. (Even when she broke up with me she told me she loved me) Yeah, pretty screwed up.

Anyways, sometimes to do the right thing you have to give up what you love the most.

Though I have a hard time believing she would marry you and not love you. So I think you two owe it to yourselves to try harder to figure out what is right. Whether that is by trying marriage counseling or something else.

[sac2165]

Here's my advice:

Talk with your parents & grandparents, they know the situation a little better than a bunch of people from the internet.

[Question]

I think you guys should stick it out for the sake of the daughter, divorce is very hard on a child.

[Turbo V6 Camaro]

i may only be 20 but i'm tired of looking for someone already :mad: every time it starts all over agina meeting the family blah blah blah. i just want to find them and move on.

drovorce is hard and expensive

im not sure how you feel about Dr phil.... but maybe post on his forum in there and write him.... i would get a profession and talk to them they will be able to see whats going on...

i can't say anything about the cheating thing. if a girl cheats on me shes out the door no questions asked, i can't forgive anyone for that

[Tyler]

i dont want to start a catfight.. but i want to hear aprils side before jumping to any conclusions.

all i gotta say is send a letter to DR. Phil (Good idea viper). he is a miracle worker for married couples. it seems to me that you are willing to work things out.. but is april? if not.. im sorry to say man, but do whats best for both of you and just end it and start over.

You guys are ****en grown up. get over yourselves, swallow your damn pride and trust one another. ****. you guys are acting like a teenage couple still in highschool with these trust issues...

sorry. had to say that last bit

[12secondv6]

I'm pondering this currently.

I'll have a response tonight....

I'll update my reply.....

[firebirdchick98]

I honestly don't think this marriage can be saved. We split up last year about this time for about a month. I came back because I knew he was measurable. He was loosing a lot of weight and he asked me to give the marriage another chance so I did. So a year has gone by and nothing has changed between us or atleast I don't think it has. I don't feel the same way I used to for him. I honestly dont think he cares about me like he should either I think he is just afraid of being alone. I mainly feel for him as a best friend. I wish I could love him the way a wife should. For the past year I have been trying to stay in the relationship for everyone else and I cant do that. I need to be happy also. I just don't think counseling will help cause my mind is pretty made up. I wish it didn't have to come to this but I just don't see any other way. :(

[Tyler]

women.... they are never satisfied

[99camaropkg]

well from reading fbirdchick98's post she needs to look closer. I dont know how in depth she has gone into looking at the relationship and all that jazz but she said "nothing has changed between us or atleast i dont think it has". I may be only 20 and only engaged but it sounds like there is something inside of her that dont want to see if anything has changed. You dont think it has, well maybe it has but you have been so resiliant (like a bunch of women, no offense) that you dont let yourself see anything good in the relationship. Marriage is the easiest thing to come by nowadays. 5 minutes into meeting someone you could think you are ready for it. You two have known each other for 5 years b4 you got hitched. Now onto my other point, you wo knew what you were getting into and enough about the person to still be able to get married to them. If you really didnt trust and all that stuff you wouldnt have gotten married. You two still love each other, you may say as only friends but yall are not letting yourselves love like you should because you think, you think too much. Yall still have a thing, look closer figure it out and get on with your lives.

I am not taking sides nor trying to piss anyone off, just offering my honest opinion. Please no flaming me or being mad. Jusat offering a hopefully helping hand.

[malice10985]

I was gonna propose to my GF in the near future, but you are making me think long and hard about it.

Everywhere I turn there are relationships gone sour. My parents have been divorced for 16 years, and they still want to kill eachother. Perhaps marriage is a foolish institution.

My GF is a backwoods country girl, and I have shown her the world. She had never been out of the midwest, and I have taken her on two east coast vacations. Maybe I shouldn't pop the question if she won't appreciate what I have given her. Maybe I should leave her on the farm.

Turbo kit... or diamond ring??

[imported_admin]

My reply is being sent via e-mail.

[andrew.brandon]

from talking with april the last few days I don't beleive we have the complete story posted, but having not had to chanch to talk to evan my opinion would be biased. I will need to Yoda this for a while before I feel I can post anything. Untill then, ponder my sig. Maybe that'll help. ;)

['98 BlackBird]

Originally posted by andrew.brandon:
from talking with april the last few days I don't beleive we have the complete story posted, but having not had to chanch to talk to evan my opinion would be biased.

I did not want to post dirty laundry. The Fact is, that we both cheated on each other. It does not matter who did it first. That was a over a year ago. She seems to think this whole marriage was a lie in her eyes, but I dont think so. There is never a good excuse for cheating but we both have one which we will keep to ourselves.

Please dont think April is a bad person. She is a very sweet person and has a great sense of humor. For those of you who have met her know that already.

I guess I am looking for opinions from other members who may or may not have been though this.
[img]graemlins/love.gif[/img]

[Turbo V6 Camaro]

Originally posted by malice10985:
I was gonna propose to my GF in the near future, but you are making me think long and hard about it.

Everywhere I turn there are relationships gone sour. My parents have been divorced for 16 years, and they still want to kill eachother. Perhaps marriage is a foolish institution.

My GF is a backwoods country girl, and I have shown her the world. She had never been out of the midwest, and I have taken her on two east coast vacations. Maybe I shouldn't pop the question if she won't appreciate what I have given her. Maybe I should leave her on the farm.

Turbo kit... or diamond ring??

umm i'm not spending 3000 on no ring!!!!! your crazy!!!!!! it shouldn't mater if the rimg was out of a 25 bublle gum thing.

if you shop at Kay's and get the lifetime warrenty you can trade up to a bettre ring later.....

i have found that weman that hav only had one guy tend to fade off and i think they need to see the bad side of things too