The story of our problems

[Mighty Thor]

I'm at your age range but your situation is indeed pretty profound.

I always said that divorce is a permanent fix to a fixable problem. But if one party is not willing to fix it then divorce would be the end result. I just hope you two don't fall into a life time of regret.

If I have a daughter, I would definately think of her and put her the center of my life. Hopefully this break up won't be traumatic to her.

Later on when things are cool again, you can seek out your soul mate and remarry. Everything is fixable, and you'll have a happy life again.

[WishIHad$$$]

I'm not a position to give advice to either one of you, but if you need someone to talk to you can always hit me up on AIM. Evan, I have changed my screen name to Deaconeffect350. (I can't update my profile) I think April already knew.

[Trunks]

April, i must say this, (its kind of a different perspective beside the she wants/he wants). Remember your vows "I to have and to hold, from this day forward,
for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I dont know what religion you are, or how religious you are. But in my opinion (which is just that, an opinion) if you are truly not willing to honor these words, then please, do not speak them.

Also you're pretty young right (in your 20's), from this statement

I came back because I knew he was measurable. He was loosing a lot of weight

it sounds as if you were judging your relationship with him heavily (no pun intended) based upon his physical features.

You say you think counseling and talking things out will help. Is this because you dont want it to help or do you truly think that it will not help?

It sounds as if this man is really in love with you, and even if you think you do not love him the same way back it would be nice if you would honor his request of counseling just because you respect him, are his best friend and do love him.

here is a nice little quote/poem for you to think about

Never say I love you if you don't really care. Never talk about feelings if they aren't really there. Never hold my hand if you are going to break my heart. Never say you are going to if you don't plan to start. Never look into my eyes if all you do is lie. Never say hello if you really mean goodbye. If you really mean forever then say you will try. Never say forever cause forever is forever

---------

Now Evan, this may be hard to come to terms with but if she does decide to try to work things out and they just wont get worked out then let it go, trying to cling on to her will only make it more painful and also make your relationship of being friends very awkward or non-existant. Even if she decides to not try to work things out, it is best not to beg and plead because that just leads back to the "clinging to her" comment i said. Have you ever heard the quote "If you love someone let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with." I honestly think this quote applies to this situation.

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Well there is my 2 cents, take heed to them or discard them, your choice.

[Turbo V6 Camaro]

Originally posted by Trunks:
April, i must say this, (its kind of a different perspective beside the she wants/he wants). Remember your vows "I to have and to hold, from this day forward,
for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I dont know what religion you are, or how religious you are. But in my opinion (which is just that, an opinion) if you are truly not willing to honor these words, then please, do not speak them.

Also you're pretty young right (in your 20's), from this statement </font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />I came back because I knew he was measurable. He was loosing a lot of weight

it sounds as if you were judging your relationship with him heavily (no pun intended) based upon his physical features.

You say you think counseling and talking things out will help. Is this because you dont want it to help or do you truly think that it will not help?

It sounds as if this man is really in love with you, and even if you think you do not love him the same way back it would be nice if you would honor his request of counseling just because you respect him, are his best friend and do love him.

here is a nice little quote/poem for you to think about

Never say I love you if you don't really care. Never talk about feelings if they aren't really there. Never hold my hand if you are going to break my heart. Never say you are going to if you don't plan to start. Never look into my eyes if all you do is lie. Never say hello if you really mean goodbye. If you really mean forever then say you will try. Never say forever cause forever is forever

---------

Now Evan, this may be hard to come to terms with but if she does decide to try to work things out and they just wont get worked out then let it go, trying to cling on to her will only make it more painful and also make your relationship of being friends very awkward or non-existant. Even if she decides to not try to work things out, it is best not to beg and plead because that just leads back to the "clinging to her" comment i said. Have you ever heard the quote "If you love someone let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don't, their love was never yours to begin with." I honestly think this quote applies to this situation.

-------------

Well there is my 2 cents, take heed to them or discard them, your choice. </font>[/QUOTE]^^^^ what he siad, if she don't wnat it to work nothing can be done to fix it....

[GrigoryRasputin]

Originally posted by firebirdchick98:
He was loosing a lot of weight and he asked me to give the marriage another chance so I did.

Generally I dont like personal insults - however Im not gonna sugar coat this. Whether he loses weight or not should not be a basis for your relationship cuz youre not the thinnest person. For you to judge someone based on weight is like Charles Manson judging someone based on sanity.


Disclaimer: By me saying this, I am not claiming I am the thinnest person either. Im just pointing out a hypocritical statement.


As for this whole ****ing post. Its kinda a disgrace - if you have a personal family problem see a shrink... dont air your family's dirty laundry out in public, no matter how close you feel with people here... its not going to help anything - it just involves people's opinions who dont deserve to have one in this situation.

[ December 01, 2004, 06:28 PM: Message edited by: GrigoryRasputin ]

[firebirdchick98]

I did not say I came back last year cause he lost a lot of weight and started looking better. I was worried about his health sence he wasnt eating much at all.

['98 BlackBird]

What she meant was: at the time of our first break-up I was loosing weight drastically because of the depression I was in. I went from 197 to 174 in 17 days. I wouldn't eat, I couldn't sleep and she saw that I was miserable without her. She came back to work on the marriage.

Trunks: you could not have said truer words.

[slacker69]

Originally posted by GrigoryRasputin:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by firebirdchick98:
He was loosing a lot of weight and he asked me to give the marriage another chance so I did.

Generally I dont like personal insults - however Im not gonna sugar coat this. Whether he loses weight or not should not be a basis for your relationship cuz youre not the thinnest person. For you to judge someone based on weight is like Charles Manson judging someone based on sanity.


Disclaimer: By me saying this, I am not claiming I am the thinnest person either. Im just pointing out a hypocritical statement.


As for this whole ****ing post. Its kinda a disgrace - if you have a personal family problem see a shrink... dont air your family's dirty laundry out in public, no matter how close you feel with people here... its not going to help anything - it just involves people's opinions who dont deserve to have one in this situation. </font>[/QUOTE]what my friend was trying to say is that love is blind... and youre both damned lucky b/c youre both large

[Tyler]

evan all i have to say is that if she is gonna be totally arrogant about this.. **** her your better off without that bull****. I had a girlfriend at one time for 2 years.. one day she THOUGHT i was cheating on her.. i had proof to back up that i wasnt. she continued to believe i was still cheating onher.. EVEN WHEN I HAD WORK PRINT OUT MY TIMESHEET and my boss signed it. Well.. arrogant people need to be alone in a dark corner.. i cant stand them. neither should you.

[HAZ-Matt]

From the limited information that has been presented I would say it is over.

We married in June of 2003 after knowing each other for about 5 years.

Trust issues has played a big part in our relationship from past wrong-doings. Yes, we both cheated and that was wrong. We did forgive each other and tried to work it out for the past year, but to no avail there is still little trust with each other.

That is pretty telling. Let me see if I can get the timeline straight:

1998-2003: Met and dated
June 2003: Married
Late(?) 2003: Cheating
Dec(?) 2003: 1 month separation
2004: Trying to work through differences

April, you are only 23 right? Many people simply aren't ready to be married in their early twenties and I feel that this is probably a major factor here. I also believe (speculating here) that what you two went through was typical of many couples, in that after a brief period of excitement/ euphoria right after you were married the "feeling" started to fade. One or both of the parties (it would seem for sure that April feels this way) does not feel "in love" anymore and that is when trouble begins. Personally, and don't take this as an insult, but it really does not look like you two should have been married in the first place.

However, and this is directed to April, it is my assessment that you might have an overly-idealized view of romantic love. In my opinion this is not an uncommon thing, so I'm not faulting you for it. But it will be difficult to find what you are looking for, and I would argue that you probably will not be satisfied until your view changes.

Evan, it takes more than one person to make a marriage and there is no way to force it by sheer will alone. Life sucks sometimes, and you have to roll with the punches. I also feel that it would be better for your daughter if you were in no relationship than if she see's you in a dysfunctional one.

[ December 01, 2004, 07:48 PM: Message edited by: HAZ-Matt ]

[OneQuickV6]

Alright, I hate posts like this, but since I have been through this from a child's view-point, I'll throw in my $.02 this time.

My mom is over-weight, and my dad is the *******. He "fell out of love" with her, for many reasons he says. He also cheated, numerous times with close friends, even my mom's sister. NOW...Love is not something that is simply inherited or felt inside...with the world the way it is today, it becomes a decision you make every morning. You don't stay together because of a kid or other factors, you do it because you swore before God and everyone to do so. The choice to be happy and to show love to your mate, is a choice that we must all make every morning before we start the day, at lunch when you call to check and see how his/her morning was, etc.

I've been married for a mere 4 months now..and although the warm/fuzzy feeling may not be there like it was a year or so ago (at least not every waking moment), I wake up every morning glad to know that I will not be judged if my pants don't fit because I'm not as in shape as I used to be...I don't dress up to impress her and try to get her in bed...true love doesn't judge, it forgives, it heals all things.

To make your marriage work, you have to just make the choice to be happy, to love your mate for what you know they are/were, becase those things that made you fall in love originally are rarely ever truely gone.

In closing, after much ramblng...Divorce is evry difficult on children, particuarly young ones. I was out of high school when my parents split up, and to this day holidays, birhtdays, family events, etc are very uncomfortable and unpleasant. My dad and step-mom very well could have "crashed" my wedding, if not for us making the choice to have a good day. I lost my scholarships to Tech because I couldn't focus on my work, and now I am in debt because I am paying for it. It was VERY hard for me to handle, even at 19 years old. For a young kid to grow up, wondering if he/she will have a new mommy/daddy is wrong. Not getting to have both parents at birthdays, etc is terrible.

If possible, work it out. Get counseling if you think it will help. And sure, life may not always be real happy and fun (you admitted that in your vows), but it's emant to be speant with one person. Good luck Evan/April!

[TealV6]

I don't have words of wisdom, because every situation is different. Just remember you can never have enough friends.

Good luck, both of you.

Steve

[95fbirdkid]

Originally posted by OneQuickV6:
Alright, I hate posts like this, but since I have been through this from a child's view-point, I'll throw in my $.02 this time.

My mom is over-weight, and my dad is the *******. He "fell out of love" with her, for many reasons he says. He also cheated, numerous times with close friends, even my mom's sister. NOW...Love is not something that is simply inherited or felt inside...with the world the way it is today, it becomes a decision you make every morning. You don't stay together because of a kid or other factors, you do it because you swore before God and everyone to do so. The choice to be happy and to show love to your mate, is a choice that we must all make every morning before we start the day, at lunch when you call to check and see how his/her morning was, etc.

I've been married for a mere 4 months now..and although the warm/fuzzy feeling may not be there like it was a year or so ago (at least not every waking moment), I wake up every morning glad to know that I will not be judged if my pants don't fit because I'm not as in shape as I used to be...I don't dress up to impress her and try to get her in bed...true love doesn't judge, it forgives, it heals all things.

To make your marriage work, you have to just make the choice to be happy, to love your mate for what you know they are/were, becase those things that made you fall in love originally are rarely ever truely gone.

In closing, after much ramblng...Divorce is evry difficult on children, particuarly young ones. I was out of high school when my parents split up, and to this day holidays, birhtdays, family events, etc are very uncomfortable and unpleasant. My dad and step-mom very well could have "crashed" my wedding, if not for us making the choice to have a good day. I lost my scholarships to Tech because I couldn't focus on my work, and now I am in debt because I am paying for it. It was VERY hard for me to handle, even at 19 years old. For a young kid to grow up, wondering if he/she will have a new mommy/daddy is wrong. Not getting to have both parents at birthdays, etc is terrible.

If possible, work it out. Get counseling if you think it will help. And sure, life may not always be real happy and fun (you admitted that in your vows), but it's emant to be speant with one person. Good luck Evan/April!

words of wisdom

[Question]

Originally posted by OneQuickV6:
Alright, I hate posts like this, but since I have been through this from a child's view-point, I'll throw in my $.02 this time.

My mom is over-weight, and my dad is the *******. He "fell out of love" with her, for many reasons he says. He also cheated, numerous times with close friends, even my mom's sister. NOW...Love is not something that is simply inherited or felt inside...with the world the way it is today, it becomes a decision you make every morning. You don't stay together because of a kid or other factors, you do it because you swore before God and everyone to do so. The choice to be happy and to show love to your mate, is a choice that we must all make every morning before we start the day, at lunch when you call to check and see how his/her morning was, etc.

I've been married for a mere 4 months now..and although the warm/fuzzy feeling may not be there like it was a year or so ago (at least not every waking moment), I wake up every morning glad to know that I will not be judged if my pants don't fit because I'm not as in shape as I used to be...I don't dress up to impress her and try to get her in bed...true love doesn't judge, it forgives, it heals all things.

To make your marriage work, you have to just make the choice to be happy, to love your mate for what you know they are/were, becase those things that made you fall in love originally are rarely ever truely gone.

In closing, after much ramblng...Divorce is evry difficult on children, particuarly young ones. I was out of high school when my parents split up, and to this day holidays, birhtdays, family events, etc are very uncomfortable and unpleasant. My dad and step-mom very well could have "crashed" my wedding, if not for us making the choice to have a good day. I lost my scholarships to Tech because I couldn't focus on my work, and now I am in debt because I am paying for it. It was VERY hard for me to handle, even at 19 years old. For a young kid to grow up, wondering if he/she will have a new mommy/daddy is wrong. Not getting to have both parents at birthdays, etc is terrible.

If possible, work it out. Get counseling if you think it will help. And sure, life may not always be real happy and fun (you admitted that in your vows), but it's emant to be speant with one person. Good luck Evan/April!

Probally the best post Ive seen all day.

[GrigoryRasputin]

Matt youre my hero [img]graemlins/love.gif[/img]