Malice finally makes a girl post

[EolGul]

For some great advice, I suggest listening to Tom Leykis. I'm sure there's some haters here, but Tom definately knows his ****.

[C.O.Jones]

Originally posted by EolGul:
For some great advice, I suggest listening to Tom Leykis. I'm sure there's some haters here, but Tom definately knows his ****.

Odly enough, suggesting people listen to him didn't go over too well the last time I suggested it....

Malice, are you SURE she understands what it means to be married to someone in the military. She has to leave her family behind. She basically has to start her career over each time you move. I know it might be what you want, but make damned sure it's what she want's and that she's not in love with the first lay she's had.

[Mighty Thor]

Maturity should be the biggest concern for both of you. You two have to make sure that you want to spend the rest of your 100 years devouted and truthful to one another. And that this is the woman who you want to be the mother of your future 100 kids.

I heard of so many young couples getting married and then not live up to their vows because they feel deprived. That they haven't been with other people or seen everything. I know a couple right now who got married pretty young and were high school sweethearts. Today, in their 30's, 3 kids, divorced. Because of the reasons I described. I feel deeply sorry for the kids.

Anyway if things are all positive, then by all means, go for it. Don't worry about your parents' marriage experience, those are not your experience. Best thing you could do is learn from them and strive to do better and not let it repeat.

Good Luck.

[Turbo V6 Camaro]

Originally posted by Stefan:
Malice--you have a very difficult situation to assess, as you may have an exception on your hands.

Normally I would say hell no... do not be the first. As both Evan and myself can recently painfully attest to, young women start to wonder what they really want after they've had "the first" for a few years. Even if you really are Mr. Right, they'll say "gee, how will I know if I don't have any other relationships to compare this to?". Jenn used to give me that line all the time and my response was always that I've had a zillion and to trust me, I've seen the good the bad and ulgy, and this is not the latter. Didn't stop her from taking the ring off though.

However...

Small town country girls often don't need that same exposure level to be sure. You'll never find a suburban girl who goes to college marrying the first guy she dates, but you do hear about that regularly in small towns. So maybe she won't want to experiment. Uncertain.

She's pretty though, and given your freaky pictures the two of you look like a cute couple. Aaaawwwww! *pinches Malice's cheek* :D

Regarding the ring, though: WAIT ON IT!!! Take it from me, who's 26 and has been down the ring shopping road twice... I'm going to have to give you a ***** [img]graemlins/slap.gif[/img] and [img]graemlins/stickpoke.gif[/img] here. Eight hundred dollars?!? She's worth less to you than a nitrous kit? Cheap *****! A diamond engagement ring is supposed to cost two months salary. If all you can afford right now is an $800 ring, wait two weeks until you sign on and get that good paycheck and then buy it! Sheesh! And Zales, a mall jeweler? You've gotta be kidding! Take that piece of junk back, go to the nearest moderate-sized city, and find a local mom 'n pop owned jewelry store (NOT a commercial chain like Kay, JB Robinson, Zales, etc.) where you actually get to talk to the owner. Jewelry store owners LOVE seeing young guys who are about to propose... its their raison d’être. They'll sit you down and teach you everything you need to know about the four C's: Carat, cut, clarity, and color. (If they don't take the time to teach you this, they don't want your repeat business.)

Remember, she's going to be wearing this rock for the rest of her life, and it directly reflects upon you. A hefty sized, beautiful diamond not only makes YOU look good for providing it, but it deters other guys from hitting on her (hehe) because they say "damn, look at that sucker, she must be high-maintenance, I can't compete with that". Of course, if your girl wants other guys to talk to her constantly then she'll ***** about it but let's not go there. :rolleyes:

Think about ten years from now. Every time someone sees that little chip of a diamond they're going to ask "why did he only get you something that small?". And if you say "that was all we could afford at the time" people will reply that you should have waited until you could do it right. Also, other guys will see that little thing and say to themselves "that guy must be a loser, I can top that" and it won't be much of a deterrant.

Now, I'm not saying go blow $10k on a 2 carat B-colorless, but at the very least 0.75-1.0 carat princess cut and at LEAST H or I SI2 or SI1. A nice 0.75 carat SI2 H princess on a gold setting should set you back about $2000-$2500, slightly more if you go platinum. Stay away from white gold. There is no such thing as "white gold"; its just gold mixed with nickel to make it look white. I am a huge fan of platinum but its been pricey the past few years. A normal gold setting is often around $100-$150 while the platinum would be $600. But platinum has incredible chrome-like shine, its much harder than gold, and never tarnishes.

And whatever you do, make sure its a SIX prong setting, not a four.

When I was at the mall the best they had was SI2 and they were pushing me toward SI3 which is a category not even recognized by the European Gemotology Association, the group that certified Jenn's rock. SI3 in their minds is I, aka Imperfect, aka a piece of junk. But the mall stores invented a new category because they didn't want their products to be laughed at in the jewelry community. Heh.

(If what I just said sounded like French let me know and I'll make a post explaining what to look for in a quality diamond.)

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by RdBrd83:
My suggestion would be to go ahead and get engaged if that's what you want to do, but make it a LONG engagement. I don't remember reading anything about if she's going to college or not, but if she is, I'd say wait till she finished with school, because getting married and starting a life with you would be huge distraction from her trying to finish college.

This is a very typical attitude for young people who are not in a serious relationship.

Being married has NO negative impact on going to college--however, it does affect going to keg parties every Friday night. You go to college for the education, not for the parties. You can get parties without needing to pay $10,000 a year for tuition and books.

If anything, being married would HELP her succeed because she would maintain focus and he would encourage her to study.

I could go on but I think this is enough for now.

So to recap:

1. Take that piece of junk back
2. Spend 2 months going to REAL jewelry shops, doing some research, learning what the Four C's are, and avoiding that mall BS
3. When you're getting that Marine Corps salary, spend two months of it on a *nice* rock that she'll cherish for life and will continue to make you look good forever
4. Don't have the "we can always upgrade later" attitude. Its a diamond. Its the most pure crystal known to man. Upgrading it imples upgrading your marriage and your love--you should never have to. If you do it wasn't love in the first place. Some people say its just symbolism, I say its reality. </font>[/QUOTE]i have to disagree here man

for one a mall jewlers is best for him, Kay/JB are great for the lifetime warrenty/free cleaning anytime, and they are all over the country

if i have to spend 4K on a ****ing ring to make other guys stay away and make poeple say WOW. f'that her she's getting the boot..

if money and the size of the rock matter that much to her/her family/and friends then I will never get married. if its ture love a 25 cent ring from the gum ball machine that took 3 bucks to should be fine

[Everglades W68]

Just my $0.02, respectfully submitted:

1. Don't rush into getting married. Marriage should be a lifetime commitment, one of perhaps two of the most important you can make (the other is having children). Take your time.

2. Talk long and hard with her to see what she envisions doing while you are in the Marines. She is at an important age where living as a Marine wife could be a major, if not the largest sacrifice or change in direction in her life. SHE and you both have to be ready for this.

3. Have you both really considered what it means to "forsake all others" for as long as you both live? That's a lot of potential others - for both of you.

4. If there are things you don't like about her, DON'T expect her to change or "improve" over time. She is who she is, flaws or differences of opinions or values and all. You must accept her totally "AS-IS."

5. Having said the above, being married to the right person is one of the greatest, most fulfilling and thoroughly GREAT things you possibly can experience.

If you are both committed and ready and are not rushing into it - yes, DO IT.

6. IMHO - the expensive engagement ring thing is way overblown. It should be entirely up to her. I'm sure some ladies would much prefer a fine LS6 over some rock anyday (Not too many :D , but I'm sure there are some). My point is ASK HER. I'm not a big fan of, "Guess what? I'm asking you to agree to this huge decision we are making together and BTW, I just made a really, really expensive fashion decision for you!"

7. My grandfather said that marriage is really just a public announcement of a private decision.

8. You've got a awesome babe there (but mine's better!)

9. Oh - and if anything I said here differs from what Stefan said - STEFAN IS RIGHT!!!! [img]graemlins/bowdown.gif[/img] :D

[ December 06, 2004, 07:21 PM: Message edited by: Everglades W68 ]

[majeskyb]

Like Stefan said, marriage is wonderful. I love and cherish every moment that I get to spend with my wife. I don't know what will happen when I get back to the states after not seeing her for five months [img]graemlins/naughty.gif[/img] . I am going to disagree on the ring though. All it is is a symbol. I only spent about $1300 on her set, and it was the one that she wanted. Out of all the different ones we looked at, that was her favorite. You need to be able to ask yourself if this is really what you want, and that you're sure you want to do it at this age. Yes, I'm in the Air Force, and we were married on a base last year (we were both 19). I was the happiest day of my life, and my love for her grows everyday. With college, being in the military doesn't interfere with her schooling at all. Being enlisted, I have the opportunity to be at my current base for as long as I want (have had people spend 20+ years here), as opposed to officers that are required to PCS every two years. Sure, you're going to be able to cope with moving all the time, but how will she feel about making friends and then having to leave them every year or so. What if her friends are enlisted. You can get in a lot of trouble if you become good friends with an enlisted. All I'm trying to say is marriage is a huge deal, especially at our age(s), and then on top of that, the military is another shocker on the spouse. I know my wife was pretty angry at me when I decided to make the Air Force my career, because we didn't discuss it enough. She's fine with it now, but that's something else that will play into the marriage. Will she want you to get out after your 4-6 years, or will she be cool with you gonig career? How is she going to handle you being gone for 9+ months at a time on deployments? There are a lot of questions that need to be answered, but if you both feel that you're ready, go for it. I did, and I've never had a "what if..." go through my head, or regreted a thing about it. I love her with all my heart, and would gladly do anything that I could for her, and I know that she feels the same way. Sorry about it being so long, I just had a lot to say :D

[imported_admin]

My advice:

Originally posted by Stefan:
find a local mom 'n pop owned jewelry store (NOT a commercial chain like Kay, JB Robinson, Zales, etc.) where you actually get to talk to the owner. Jewelry store owners LOVE seeing young guys who are about to propose... its their raison d’être. They'll sit you down and teach you everything you need to know about the four C's: Carat, cut, clarity, and color. (If they don't take the time to teach you this, they don't want your repeat business.)

Or Viper's:

Originally posted by viper04af:
a mall jewlers is best for him, Kay/JB are great for the lifetime warrenty/free cleaning anytime, and they are all over the country

YEAH...

Dude, go ahead, tell the guy to go and get ripped off. I talk about clarity and color ratings, you don't even know what they mean. While you're at it, why not get a Tornado and an E-RAM electric supercharger for your car, it'll add 200 hp!

If he's planning on being with her for the rest of his life, the LEAST he must do is his homework. Learning about diamonds is a rite of passage where you go from single young kid to grown married adult. I told him to spend a month or two researching this stuff so he knows what he's buying.

And no, I did not make up the "two month's salary" rule of thumb. That's called tradition. That's been around since long before your father was even a glimmer in grandpa's eye.

I know you're only 20, you don't understand what I mean, but you will with time. One could easily make the statement that you're too young to understand and to get married. Didn't you say not that long ago that your fiancee wanted to end it? She was too young too? She couldn't handle you being gone for xx months at a time?

Hell, Jenn and I just broke off our wedding... she's 25 and is not ready to commit. She also got pissy with me when I started talking about tradition and I said "this is how grown-ups do things". She would also rather piss away money on her CAR than on a house or on other real investments that appreciate with time rather than depreciate. Hrrrm, who's the child here?

Originally posted by viper04af:
if its ture love a 25 cent ring from the gum ball machine that took 3 bucks to should be fine

Again, spoken like a true 20 year old. You will learn with time that there is more to marriage than teenage ideals. There's a reason people put on a huge show for their weddings. You probably won't agree with me now and that's fine. But with time you will understand. The "average American" wedding costs $22,000 for a reason.

[malice10985]

majeskyb-

How did the military wedding work out? was it really expensive like stefan said, or did you get a discount? How did all of that work?

[Domesticchic]

I'd say go for it.. Just wait a couple of years before planning the wedding.. For you being her first she may want something different but she may not want different either.. Good luck! [img]smile.gif[/img] My bf and I have talked about marriage.. We're waiting till we move out to Colorado before we think about our wedding, which will be in a couple of years.. I still need to finish up college and so does he.. I'm 18 and he's 26..

[Camarorulz]

Give it awhile for her sake. You may be ready to get married, but remember she's only 18 and she may not know what she's getting herself into. You're probably the best judge as to whether or not she's ready, you know her better than anyone else here giving you advice. Make it a long engagement, live with her awhile and see how it goes without tying the knot. Statistically, the younger people get married the higher the chance is that it won't work.

[Turbo V6 Camaro]

Originally posted by Stefan:
My advice:

</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by Stefan:
find a local mom 'n pop owned jewelry store (NOT a commercial chain like Kay, JB Robinson, Zales, etc.) where you actually get to talk to the owner. Jewelry store owners LOVE seeing young guys who are about to propose... its their raison d’être. They'll sit you down and teach you everything you need to know about the four C's: Carat, cut, clarity, and color. (If they don't take the time to teach you this, they don't want your repeat business.)

Or Viper's:

Originally posted by viper04af:
a mall jewlers is best for him, Kay/JB are great for the lifetime warrenty/free cleaning anytime, and they are all over the country

YEAH...

Dude, go ahead, tell the guy to go and get ripped off. I talk about clarity and color ratings, you don't even know what they mean. While you're at it, why not get a Tornado and an E-RAM electric supercharger for your car, it'll add 200 hp!

If he's planning on being with her for the rest of his life, the LEAST he must do is his homework. Learning about diamonds is a rite of passage where you go from single young kid to grown married adult. I told him to spend a month or two researching this stuff so he knows what he's buying.

And no, I did not make up the "two month's salary" rule of thumb. That's called tradition. That's been around since long before your father was even a glimmer in grandpa's eye.

I know you're only 20, you don't understand what I mean, but you will with time. One could easily make the statement that you're too young to understand and to get married. Didn't you say not that long ago that your fiancee wanted to end it? She was too young too? She couldn't handle you being gone for xx months at a time?

Hell, Jenn and I just broke off our wedding... she's 25 and is not ready to commit. She also got pissy with me when I started talking about tradition and I said "this is how grown-ups do things". She would also rather piss away money on her CAR than on a house or on other real investments that appreciate with time rather than depreciate. Hrrrm, who's the child here?

Originally posted by viper04af:
if its ture love a 25 cent ring from the gum ball machine that took 3 bucks to should be fine

Again, spoken like a true 20 year old. You will learn with time that there is more to marriage than teenage ideals. There's a reason people put on a huge show for their weddings. You probably won't agree with me now and that's fine. But with time you will understand. The "average American" wedding costs $22,000 for a reason. </font>[/QUOTE]

Dude, go ahead, tell the guy to go and get ripped off. I talk about clarity and color ratings, you don't even know what they mean. While you're at it, why not get a Tornado and an E-RAM electric supercharger for your car, it'll add 200 hp!

i guess you alound to say this since you pay the bill :rolleyes: :rolleyes:
my mom just happened to work for jewler for almost a year, i know about the ratings and things like that, but what if he buys the in at the mom and pop store in BFE and get staiotned in BFE 2 ? how is he going to get it it serviced and if they lose the dimond i bet 98% of those stores you have to pay for the diamond again.
you can buy great diamonds at Kays/JB if you got the cash

If he's planning on being with her for the rest of his life, the LEAST he must do is his homework. Learning about diamonds is a rite of passage where you go from single young kid to grown married adult. I told him to spend a month or two researching this stuff so he knows what he's buying.

I never said you shouldn't look it up on the internet first. and educate yourdelf on it so you don't get bent over..

I know you're only 20, you don't understand what I mean, but you will with time. One could easily make the statement that you're too young to understand and to get married. Didn't you say not that long ago that your fiancee wanted to end it? She was too young too? She couldn't handle you being gone for xx months at a time?

it was YEARS not MONTHS out of the 2.5 years we only seen each other for 6 months TOTAL. we just grew apart and she didn't say that cuase she wasn't ready she said that cause she didn't feel like that about me anymore and we grew aprt in that time.... but I'm only 20 I guess i should have stayed with her and tried to make it work :rolleyes:

And no, I did not make up the "two month's salary" rule of thumb. That's called tradition. That's been around since long before your father was even a glimmer in grandpa's eye.

[img]graemlins/rofl.gif[/img]
my mm and da was making 30 bucks a week when they got married, the used there parents ring for the wedding and gave them back after...... they still love each other vary much and now my mom has som vary nice rings that they have been adding 2 every few years...... i don't know how your grew up but for me food just mattered more.

Again, spoken like a true 20 year old. You will learn with time that there is more to marriage than teenage ideals. There's a reason people put on a huge show for their weddings. You probably won't agree with me now and that's fine. But with time you will understand. The "average American" wedding costs $22,000 for a reason.

dang being 20 sure come with a bad rep.
22K :eek: [img]graemlins/omg.gif[/img] i could buy ****ing house for that !!!! god damn
yes it one day and you want it to be nice
but come on man what really matters?
the 4K rock are a nice house (4K is a great start a down payment)
or 4K down on car your wife can drive and you know it won't fall apart on the freeway, yes sh!t happens but still.

the cost of the weding and cost of the ring shouldn't matter
all that should matter is you love each other and and string around the fingure should be just fine....

no im not cheap but there are alot more things that matter to then 4K ring.... im sorry that's crazy, no dimond is ever perfect anyway, and she goes and have it apraise to see the uqality you go her, well she likes money tooooo much.

yeah so i have alot of monye in my i would sell the car in 5 seconds for the girl i loved if it came down to it. physical thing don't matter me, after all the only thing i want to take with me after death is the love of those that i loved.

your saying I'm "only 20"
well I know at "ONLY 20" it should take 4K ring and 22K wedding to make a gril happy. sorry not goign to happen. If they don't know i love them then they need to leave, now.

hell if you was smart you would buy 4- 1K rings and at least get some 4 times a year when ever you wanted..... ok ok maybe not cuase that shouln't matter. but i would rather make them smile 4 times then just one time. after the "new weres off" and everyone has seen it whats the point?

Hell if you have the monye go for it.... **** if i had the money i would...

I thought you would see on this from yuor other posts but IMHO your trying to buy the girl not love her

"only 20" i mean Andrew

PS just becuase i can't spell don't mean i'm a dumbe ***. i sit at the PC 12 hours a day and it don't bother me i make mistakes.

[phoenix64]

Not to breakup the love fest here, but malice what kind of airplane does your buddy have?

[malice10985]

Originally posted by phoenix64:
Not to breakup the love fest here, but malice what kind of airplane does your buddy have?

the lovefest is turning into a jewellry flamefest.

He has a Bellanca Citabria. I think it was built in the 1960's some time. It has an O-320 with 160hp. It doesn't have anything really cool like inverted fuel tanks or oil sump, but I am not good enough to pull inverted negative G's anyways. I have a lot to learn before I can maneuver upsidedown for more that a few seconds.
It is a cool little plane. It only cost him like $15K. It has one crappy radio, and minimal instrumentation.

It only cruises at about 100KIAS, but I had it up to 160KIAS on the bottom side of a hammerhead. He got a little upset at me for that.

Danger is fun.

[firefightercarl88]

I was in the same situation as you, outside of being in the military. I've been dating my fiance for a little over 2 years now, we're both young, in fact she just finished high school. But we do love each other, and she's come a long way for me and would do anything for me. We got engaged over the summer and are very excited about our wedding in Oct. '05. She still has to finish college, but I am supporting her all the way. Up until recently I too was a poor college student, but still managed to scrounge up $2500 for a very nice set(from the mom & pop store.) I knew nothing of rings either and did my research. And any jewelry store will clean any ring for free and insurance isn't hard to come by either. She will wear it proudly for the rest of her life and was very impressed w/ my selection. Maturity is a big thing(not necessarily age) if you both are ready for the commitment, and don't rush into things, go for it.

[EolGul]

Originally posted by firefightercarl88:
I was in the same situation as you, outside of being in the military. I've been dating my fiance for a little over 2 years now, we're both young, in fact she just finished high school. But we do love each other, and she's come a long way for me and would do anything for me. We got engaged over the summer and are very excited about our wedding in Oct. '05. She still has to finish college, but I am supporting her all the way. Up until recently I too was a poor college student, but still managed to scrounge up $2500 for a very nice set(from the mom & pop store.) I knew nothing of rings either and did my research. And any jewelry store will clean any ring for free and insurance isn't hard to come by either. She will wear it proudly for the rest of her life and was very impressed w/ my selection. Maturity is a big thing(not necessarily age) if you both are ready for the commitment, and don't rush into things, go for it.

I suggest you listen to Leykis too before you (possibly) throw everything down the crapper.