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One of the members of my board, a young lady from Ireland, posted this for us. These are pretty funny if you have a dry sense of humor, like a lot of people from the UK apparently do.
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LITTLE BILLY ON GETTING OLDER
Little BILLY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after
another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said,
"Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you
acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little BILLY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
"Oh?" replied the man. " Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a
time?"
"No" replied Little Billy, "he minded his own fecking business!!"
LITTLE BILLY ON...PHILOSOPHY
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little BILLY. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with
the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then little BILLY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The
second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting
off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one
that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little BILLY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the
wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."
LITTLE BILLY ON... MATH
Little BILLY returns home from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father."
"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6," replied BILLY. "But
that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fecking difference?" asks the father?
"That's what I said!"
LITTLE BILLY ON...ENGLISH
Little BILLY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to
learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?"
BILLY says " Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little BILLY, that's a mouthful."
Little BILLY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blow job."
LITTLE BILLY ON...GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show
hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence
twice.
First she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought
my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little
Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
beautifully."
on little BILLY.
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was
pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just fecking beautiful."
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LITTLE BILLY ON GETTING OLDER
Little BILLY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after
another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said,
"Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you
acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little BILLY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
"Oh?" replied the man. " Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a
time?"
"No" replied Little Billy, "he minded his own fecking business!!"
LITTLE BILLY ON...PHILOSOPHY
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and
you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little BILLY. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with
the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."
Then little BILLY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The
second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting
off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one
that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little BILLY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the
wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."
LITTLE BILLY ON... MATH
Little BILLY returns home from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father."
"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6," replied BILLY. "But
that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the fecking difference?" asks the father?
"That's what I said!"
LITTLE BILLY ON...ENGLISH
Little BILLY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to
learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a
multi-syllable word?"
BILLY says " Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little BILLY, that's a mouthful."
Little BILLY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blow job."
LITTLE BILLY ON...GRAMMAR
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show
hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence
twice.
First she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought
my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little
Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
beautifully."
on little BILLY.
"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was
pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just fecking beautiful."
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