need some help/advice...fiancee related...

[navyblue2000]

Ok, here goes.
Sarah and I have been together for nearly 3 years. We've been engaged for about a year and a half, and our wedding is planned for august. I have the hotel en route to the destination booked, and the vacation house booked. All that aside...

I think I'm getting cold feet. We have been arguing a bit lately. Once a week. Seems like when we finally resolve our issues, we grow closer...but then we argue again...vicious cycle. Tonight we argued...of all things, about that terri schiavo case. We have differing opinions on it. She made some remarks, I made some back - it ended up turning into "you treat me like dirt!" "well, you're not doing much better"... she busts into tears, hangs up on me a few times, threatens to drive into a tree... that stuff makes ME a nervous wreck.
But I seem to grow less and less sensitive every time we argue. I'm just not sure what to do. I really just...don't...know

she goes out of town friday early AM, not sure what I'm gonna do. It's bad though - short of cheating on her, I'm tempted just to do something dumb enough to MAKE herbreak up with me...or "take time off"... I just don't know what to do. help me out guys.

thanks

[Nachius]

Gah no relationship is perfect, everyone fights.

Sit her down and talk to her, tell her how you feel and see what SHE wants to do.

Plain and simple I know you care for her have a discussion and if you both feel the same way about "taking some time off" so be it, but it's better to do it that way if you do realize you want to be with her the rest of your life than to hurt her and maybe never have another chance.

[12secondv6]

No relationship is perfect..... as stated above....everyone fights.

Before she leave.... have flowers sent to her!!!!

Don't let her go away mad!

Don't cheat on her!

You 2 need to talk..... if you are about to get married... you guys should be able to speak openly about ANY feeling you have.

[piercedan]

You may want to get pre-marital councelling. It is common for a couple to go through it before they get married so they can prepare. Staying married is HARD! Learn to effectively communicate with each other before the big day, and your married life will be much better. Remember, women (usually) look at life differently than most guys, so you have to remember that her perspective is probably way different. Her perspective is her reality.

[shock_core]

Originally posted by 12secondv6:
No relationship is perfect..... as stated above....everyone fights.

Before she leave.... have flowers sent to her!!!!

Don't let her go away mad!

Don't cheat on her!

You 2 need to talk..... if you are about to get married... you guys should be able to speak openly about ANY feeling you have.

x2

[sac2165]

Delay it & see if things get better. The divorce rate is 50%, it won't hurt you to take some time & make sure you're 100% committed.

[MTMike]

Sounds like she's just being immature - Sit her down, talk to her, tell her how you feel, and talk about it. And DON'T sugar coat it! Even until just recently I tried sugarcoating everything for my wife to (what I thought would) ease the "trauma" of how I felt when I was pissed, and found that it just makes matters worse in the long run.... You need to tell her how it is, like it is.

I've been in the same boat as you are now AFTER the vows and I can tell you it's hard when she gets pissed at you for the stupidest things! Nothing makes me want to run for the hills like her not speaking to me for 36 hours becuase I went to a company lunch w/ coworkers and didn't bring her anything back. I got tired of all the BS crap like that and just sat her down, talked to her, and quit sugar coating it for her, told her how it was going to be, end of discussion, and she's coming around.

How old are the 2 of you if you don't mind?

[95fbirdkid]

more fighting = more make up sex.... whats your problem again? ;)

[MTMike]

Originally posted by 95fbirdkid:
more fighting = more make up sex.... whats your problem again? ;)

You've obviously never been married before [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[95fbirdkid]

Originally posted by MTMike:
</font><blockquote>quote:</font><hr />Originally posted by 95fbirdkid:
more fighting = more make up sex.... whats your problem again? ;)

You've obviously never been married before [img]tongue.gif[/img] </font>[/QUOTE]haha, yeah. Be'n 20 is great [img]tongue.gif[/img]

[Camarolover98]

Nothing wrong with taking some extra time to figure out what you want to do. If you really aren't that sure about her, then it's probably not in your best interests to get married right now.

Every relationship has its problems. Some things you have to be able to overlook, some things you have to learn to compromise over, and some things you have to learn not to put up with.

Work on your communication with her, and see if that helps. Tell her how you feel about things, and make sure that she understands where you're coming from. Do the same for her. Try to avoid using personal attacks. They won't get you anywhere, and only make things worse.

My question to you would be whether its the fact that you're arguing more that's giving you cold feet, or are you starting to question the type of person that you think she is (personality, values, beliefs, etc.)?

[bsengele]

just wait till she gets pregnant than the real fun begins

[Den69RS96]

I fought with my wife almost daily before we got married. We just bought a house and we were planning a wedding. Way to much stress. Women in no way, shape, or form think like a male. Your going to fight. Main thing is to not stay mad and don't hang onto your anger when you do fight. I think the weekend away will be good for you. You need to do some thinking, not cheating. If you miss her when she comes back, then you have your answer.

[cassie]

people fight all the time. Fighting is just part of discovering each other. As long as when you fight you keep your relationship ABOVE the fight (no "FINE, WE SHOULD JUST BREAK UP OBVIOUSLY WE DISAGREE ABOUT EVERYTHING!!") things will work out. Your relationship is #1. Treat it as so

[Mogobs30th]

Originally posted by cassie:
people fight all the time. Fighting is just part of discovering each other. As long as when you fight you keep your relationship ABOVE the fight (no "FINE, WE SHOULD JUST BREAK UP OBVIOUSLY WE DISAGREE ABOUT EVERYTHING!!") things will work out. Your relationship is #1. Treat it as so

I seriously disagree with this statement. I have learned the hard way that the only person that should matter to you IS YOU!!! Even if the relationship is good or bad, it doesn't mean that you don't care any less. You can love her with all of your heart, and the relationship can still be bad. Its when you stop really caring about that person that it becomes a problem. I learned that the best relationships are the one's that are WITHOUT COMPROMISE, and since there are very few relationships like that, the least amount of compromise as possible will always be better in the long run. The more compromise, the worse it is.

It seems like after reading this, Drew, that she is getting more and more selfish with herself the longer this relationship goes. This would be a good time to rationalize the situation, honestly ask yourself if being with her is worth being a nervous wreck. Don't stay with her out of the fear of being single and alone, as well as being with her only to make her feel better. These are both bad situations to be in the longer they go on. Some things like this work themselves out, and sometimes they don't, but if you let the situation go on like this, then it will only get worse.