Tweet
I have known my current gf for years. We knew each other in hs and stayed in touch after, college etc. She had married a dude who was back then one of my closest friends and they had two kids together. I sorta lost touch when she went into the A.F. to support them because he turned out to be worthless and we no longer were on speaking terms. Fast forward to now.
A year ago he had kicked her out and around christmas she and I became reaquainted. Started dating and everything was cool. H e finds out that she is dating someone and all of a sudden he wants her back. She doesnt want to but he threatens to do ll kinds of crazy sh!t (suicide, killing he mutual friend of ours that she was staying with etc...) so she goes back.
I had left my apt. and was livin with the 'rents in order to save a down payment for the house i had been hunting for years and so my rents gave her an out. "If you want to leave him do it, pack your stuff and move in with us." She did it. Everything was cool, I was closing on my house life was normal.
She had warned me when we first hooked up that se came with a lot of baggage. Two kids, crazy ex, the whole nine yards. I thought; "no prob. I can handle it." Well months down the road and I was wrong. My timing couldn't be worse. I've only been in my new house for 3 weeks.
I tried and i was wrong. I can't handle having two kids that aren't mine. I can't handle having someone sleep next to me and talk in their sleep and tell me that its all my fault, that her ex would never have got custody if it weren't for me, or that if she went back she would be unhappy but she could have her kids. After a while such things start to depress you, and start to make your waking hours a torment. Here you are next to a woman who acts loving and kind and content but yet you know that tonight as you drift to sleep her nightmares and speeches will continue. I can't handle a lot of things (that i am not going to go into detail about here) and I was wrong and I am sorry and... and...
I spelled it all out in a letter to her because i knew that if i tried to tell her in person and she started to break down i would never be able to go through with it. Hurting her was the last thing that i had ever wanted to do. That's why i was never abe to tell her before now. It never seemed the right time, she was upset and i didnt want to make it worse, or she was happy and i didn't want to make her sad. There never seemed to be a right time.
Time passed and I grew more unhappy and still couldn't bring myself to tell her because it would upset her. She was happy that i was closing, she was re-arranging and decorating. It was never time.
So I wrote the letter figuring that i would be better to do it now instead of later when my own discontent would breed animosity between us. I left it for her to read and when i came back home discuss. So i came home and she cried and i almost took it all back and wanted to act as if nothing was wrong, anything to keep her being upset, but I didn't. She cried and said that she couldn't be mad at me for not loving her or her kids. That we can't go back to the way it was and be friends because while i may not love her, she loves me.
So there i was; defeated with never a punch thrown and nothing for a defense except a lame "I'm sorry" & "I never meant to hurt you". And now here i sit 12am typing my problems out in cyberspace and feeling like an intruder in my own house. She has removed everything that she owns into one of the kids bedrooms, says she'll find a place and be gone by the end of the week.
I feel three inches tall and like the biggest rat bastard, cowardly piece of sh!t, pansy, sh!t heel on the face of the planet.
A year ago he had kicked her out and around christmas she and I became reaquainted. Started dating and everything was cool. H e finds out that she is dating someone and all of a sudden he wants her back. She doesnt want to but he threatens to do ll kinds of crazy sh!t (suicide, killing he mutual friend of ours that she was staying with etc...) so she goes back.
I had left my apt. and was livin with the 'rents in order to save a down payment for the house i had been hunting for years and so my rents gave her an out. "If you want to leave him do it, pack your stuff and move in with us." She did it. Everything was cool, I was closing on my house life was normal.
She had warned me when we first hooked up that se came with a lot of baggage. Two kids, crazy ex, the whole nine yards. I thought; "no prob. I can handle it." Well months down the road and I was wrong. My timing couldn't be worse. I've only been in my new house for 3 weeks.
I tried and i was wrong. I can't handle having two kids that aren't mine. I can't handle having someone sleep next to me and talk in their sleep and tell me that its all my fault, that her ex would never have got custody if it weren't for me, or that if she went back she would be unhappy but she could have her kids. After a while such things start to depress you, and start to make your waking hours a torment. Here you are next to a woman who acts loving and kind and content but yet you know that tonight as you drift to sleep her nightmares and speeches will continue. I can't handle a lot of things (that i am not going to go into detail about here) and I was wrong and I am sorry and... and...
I spelled it all out in a letter to her because i knew that if i tried to tell her in person and she started to break down i would never be able to go through with it. Hurting her was the last thing that i had ever wanted to do. That's why i was never abe to tell her before now. It never seemed the right time, she was upset and i didnt want to make it worse, or she was happy and i didn't want to make her sad. There never seemed to be a right time.
Time passed and I grew more unhappy and still couldn't bring myself to tell her because it would upset her. She was happy that i was closing, she was re-arranging and decorating. It was never time.
So I wrote the letter figuring that i would be better to do it now instead of later when my own discontent would breed animosity between us. I left it for her to read and when i came back home discuss. So i came home and she cried and i almost took it all back and wanted to act as if nothing was wrong, anything to keep her being upset, but I didn't. She cried and said that she couldn't be mad at me for not loving her or her kids. That we can't go back to the way it was and be friends because while i may not love her, she loves me.
So there i was; defeated with never a punch thrown and nothing for a defense except a lame "I'm sorry" & "I never meant to hurt you". And now here i sit 12am typing my problems out in cyberspace and feeling like an intruder in my own house. She has removed everything that she owns into one of the kids bedrooms, says she'll find a place and be gone by the end of the week.
I feel three inches tall and like the biggest rat bastard, cowardly piece of sh!t, pansy, sh!t heel on the face of the planet.
Comment