My friend's mom is dying of cancer (advice needed) - FirebirdV6.com/CamaroV6.com Message Board

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  • #1

    My friend's mom is dying of cancer (advice needed)

    Hey there

    This guy I was seeing for a while has a mom who is dying of cancer... I have no idea what kind it is but its pretty bad.

    He doesnt ever talk about his business so i didnt know this was going on til last Wednesday. I had called him because he left work in a rush.

    After I found out i went up to him at work and I said to him "How are things? Do you need anything?" He cut me off basically saying "Dont worry about it- i am dealing with it, i dont need you to worry..." So i cut him off saying "well I am just asking you if things are ok. I wanted to tell you I will be there for you and whatever you need you can count on me" He ended up cutting me off basically being very rude saying he dont need anything and that i shouldnt worry. I just walked away from him.

    About 10 minutes later he came to me and said in a more calm voice that he was doing on and dealing with it and that he doesnt need me to worry about it because i worry too much...

    We talked strictly about work stuff the rest of the week while at work... i didnt want to step on his toes or rub anything in so i didnt ask at all.

    Yesterday he left work in a rush again... He didnt talk to me the time he was there. No biggie... we were both busy.

    Today he never called in at work and never even showed. People asked me if i heard anything and i said no... he hasnt spoken to me in a few days. I have no idea if shes alive or is having surgery or dead... nothing...

    Lets rewind a little bit... ok last week after he got ignorant with me i realized i was going to back off for a long time away from him totally. He has been treating me ****ty lately and basically blowing me off too. I havent called or emailed him since he flipped out on me.


    hes told me numerous times that he wants to stay friends and that if things are meant to be, it will happen again. Well, i finally took that advice and since last week, let him go totally... and if he comes back when hes done school then ok... if not then it wasnt meant to be.

    What i am trying to say is, why is he close to his other friends and doesnt let me in on anything? I told him to his face i would be there for him but he doesnt want it. He doesnt tell me ANYTHING anymore. its like he doesnt want me around at all... but for some reason he wont tell me that.

    So do you think i should call him and show that i do care about his mom and risk getting *****ed at? Should I just call his friends and ask (sounds sneaky though)... or just not do anything?????? I mean hes not talking to me too much for a reason and before he used to tell me everything.

    Things have gotten really wierd...why doesnt he want me to comfort him? its like his other friends can but i cant??? what the hell??????

    I need advice. I want to call him but i am letting him go to see if he comes back later. So therefore i dont want to call him... and for some reason i feel scared to.
    <a href=\"http://www.cardomain.com/id/maleet\" target=\"_blank\">1998 Silver Firebird</a> <br />Basic mods... nothing real special but it sure looks good!<br /><a href=\"http://www.maleetpobanz.com\" target=\"_blank\">maleetpobanz.com</a>
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  • #2
    is this the same guy that broke up with you for that other chick?

    I say dont do any thing, and when he comes crawling back turn him away,
    www.turbov6camaro.com
    1997 3800 Series II Camaro
    4600 Stall for my ride to the mall :chug:
    7.18 @ 99.77 1/8 -1.8x sixty (current quickest v6 fbod)
    11.23 @ unk 5 1/4 - 7.19 1/8 - 1.83 sixty

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    • #3
      He is very scared because his mom is sick. I wouldn't push to hard or you could lose him completely. My cousin lost both her parents in less than one year and she still hasn't shown that it bothers her. One day it's gonna sink in and she will need the support of everyone around her. If you truely care, just keep the friendship and when he really needs someone there, you'll be able to tell. You could always take some dinner or something to their house to show you care about his family. His whole family needs to have as much time together as they can get before his mom passes away. My guess is he is concentrating on his family right now.
      2002 Camaro Y87<br />1967 VW Beetle

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      • #4
        he's goin through a hard time....people deal with stuff in their own ways. if he doesn't want you to worry about it, don't. let him handle it. jsut make sure your there if he needs you.
        \'98 Camaro - SOLD<br />Best E/T: 15.489 @ 86.48 MPH<br />60\': 2.131<br /><a href=\"http://members.cardomain.com/skorpion317\" target=\"_blank\">members.cardomain.com/skorpion317 </a><br />1998 Saturn SL2<br />Official <a href=\"http://www.njdisturbance.com\" target=\"_blank\">NJ Disturbance</a> bracket racer

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        • #5
          IF he cares about you so much he's worried about you worrying then he should care to at least tell you whats going on, that way you can be there if you need him but you wont get blind sided too. and will he always be leaving you in the dark about things ?
          www.turbov6camaro.com
          1997 3800 Series II Camaro
          4600 Stall for my ride to the mall :chug:
          7.18 @ 99.77 1/8 -1.8x sixty (current quickest v6 fbod)
          11.23 @ unk 5 1/4 - 7.19 1/8 - 1.83 sixty

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          • #6
            its a guy thing that is difficult to explain (perhaps macho would express it succinctly). "prying" into his "business" will only annoy him more.

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            • #7
              Yeah i dont want to pry but i dont want to seem like a heartless ***** and its been like a week since i said anything to him about that...

              I had a coworker tell me to call him and ask and if he flips out on me to flip out right back on him. LOL

              He looks like he will always leave me in the dark.

              I asked to take dinner to his house one night while he was studying and he got mad saying he was old enough to take care of himself and he didnt need another mom... that was like 4 months ago.
              <a href=\"http://www.cardomain.com/id/maleet\" target=\"_blank\">1998 Silver Firebird</a> <br />Basic mods... nothing real special but it sure looks good!<br /><a href=\"http://www.maleetpobanz.com\" target=\"_blank\">maleetpobanz.com</a>

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              • #8
                Yeah i dont want to pry but i dont want to seem like a heartless *****
                you wont seem heartless, you'll seem like a good friend who is respecting his wishes, You seem to have made it clear to him that you're there for him if he needs to talk, give him time, if he needs you he knows you're there
                RedlineVSix

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                • #9
                  teh best thing you can really do fo r him is jsut call and say hi from time to time. it is clear that you still care, but it is not realistic for him to "act normal" to you considering the circumstances.
                  lay back a little but don't dissappear from the radar, he will realize that you are still around if he needs anything.

                  later
                  tim
                  NJ SPEEDER<br />1976 Camaro LT<br />Crate 350, TH350, 3.90 posi<br />New Jersey F-Body Owners Association<br /><a href=\"http://www.NJFBOA.org\" target=\"_blank\">www.NJFBOA.org</a>

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                  • #10
                    Ok so hes been a no call no show at work the past few days (maybe the boss knows and just said ok do what you need to do because you have been with us so long)... but i have the urge to give him a call and ask about her. I do care about her... I met her a few times and we got along great.

                    I did call his friend for some info yesterday and she never called me back. I wanted to see if she knew what hospital and if i can send some flowers.

                    I think that i will call tonight but he probably wont be home because another co worker had called last night and left a message and no reply whatsoever.

                    I really hope nothing bad happened but this isnt sounding good.
                    <a href=\"http://www.cardomain.com/id/maleet\" target=\"_blank\">1998 Silver Firebird</a> <br />Basic mods... nothing real special but it sure looks good!<br /><a href=\"http://www.maleetpobanz.com\" target=\"_blank\">maleetpobanz.com</a>

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