got a wierd problem. need some help.

[vanbibber]

14 years ago this month, my dad ended his life. it was the worst time in my life by far. he was in florida when it happened. i was in ohio with my mom. they were divorced and he remarried in 88' and had another kid,my sister. the last time i saw her was in 89' and she was maybe 5-6 months old.
after my dad died in 92' her mom signed over rights to his body and had it flown up to kentucky to bury him. she didnt bother to come up nor bring my sister. my dads wife didnt like his side of the family and pretty much told them not to ever talk to her again. she then moved and changed her number. never heard from her again to this day. since maybe 02' ive been searching for my sister. all ive ever come up with is a name nothing more. today i was bored and looking on myspace and said "what the hell, ive tried everything else" so i did a few searches and finally came up with her myspace page! i know its her no doubt in my mind. at first i was excited, then it really bummed me out and i was a mess earlier today about it.

heres the hard part. how do you approach someone you barley know and havent seen since they were in diapers when you know for a fact that they DO NOT know you. ive tried to type something out for about 15 hours now and i cant do it. ive never in my life been at a loss for words. to be honest with you guys im absolutely terrified. part of me wants to talk to her, the other half is saying no dont do it. i want to, but ive been thinking(maybe too much) when he died she was only 3. which leads me to believe she might not even know of him at all since her mom is such a b1tch. and if she doesnt know about him, does she even know im her brother? the even harder part is telling her about our dad and who he was and why he made the decision that he did to end his life because of her mom. how do you just out of the blue tell someone that you're siblings and that your real dad has been gone for 14 years and them not even know it if she doesnt know? part of me wants to know but at the same time, i dont want to **** up her life by telling her all of this stuff. only recently for me am i comfortable talking about it. i want her to know that our dad was a good guy, but who am i to just walk into her life out of nowhere and drop things like that on her? i dont know what i should do at all due to the all the things that happened back then, but how is it right to have a sibling that is the last part of a lost parent not in your life? ive never been so torn on something in my life and i dont know how i should handle it.

what do you guys think i should do/say? because i dont have a clue right now. thanks

[gugdathug3]

Re: got a wierd problem. need some help.

holy $#!T, this is crazy! this is like something u see in a sad movie or in the channel lifetime, except this is for real. man i would have never imagined.. this is a really hard predicament by far.. i say go with ur instincts and see where that takes you. she should be 18 by now our be turning 18 real soon. i bet this really sucks for you Roger.. i cant even imagine not talking/seeing my sister(s) for weeks, let alone almost 2 decades for u. try putting urself in her position if u havent already.. and SERIOUS question: have you asked ur wife for help? anyways Bibby, wish you the best.. hope everything turns out okay.

[kristen]

Re: got a wierd problem. need some help.

well you can either come right out with it. or never say anything. you can't really become friends over myspace and then in a month or a week just be like ohhh i'm your brother. you will lose any and all trust. if i was you i would go for it. or you will live forever wondering "what if". the worst that can happen is that a girl who hasn't talked to you in years still doesnt talk to you. at least you will know where you stand

[gman2000]

Re: got a wierd problem. need some help.

I would say tell her. My family is not like that but I did go about 23 years with out seeing my father. It was about 15 years ago when he showed back up. My mother remarried him out of the blue. My stepfather and mother had beed devoriced for some time by then. My mother and I have never gotten along very good and this didn't help. But now my father and I do talk and see each other some. I don't have much to do with them. My stepfater is the man that raised me and will always be my dad. But I guess the point is I now feel better about the whole thing because I know what happened and don't have the what ifs and crap like that any more. I believe the fact that you have been looking says it all. The fact is she is your sister and no one can change that.

[loser]

Re: got a wierd problem. need some help.

pat thinks bibby needs a hug.


go for it, you dont really have anything to lose. just dont come off like a creep or anything, try to explain the whole thing nicely, and keep in mind she's young, so adjust for that too.

good luck with it bibby.

[Mighty Thor]

Re: got a wierd problem. need some help.

First thing first, don't late your imagination run wild thinking about her. Just be calm and cool about it. Just be happy you found her. She might have a good life right now and probably doesn't mine knowing you at all.

She's at that age now where she thinks more independantly. So her mom's ways is probably not her way.

Since she doesn't know your dad, she probably doesn't even think of him as her dad. She might have stepfather that she considers her true dad. In that case don't bring up your dad unless she ask for more info.

Now go write something simple by saying: "Hello, my name is Vanbibby, I'm your half brother. You don't know me but we have the same biological father. I've only seen you once when you were a baby. Would you be interested in getting to know me?" (That's just me and how I would write it)

Good Luck and keep us posted.

[Niko97RS]

Re: got a wierd problem. need some help.

send her exactly what u sent us...shell get the hint


hope all work out for u man

family problems are the worst, trust me, id know

[JusFlyinBy]

Re: got a wierd problem. need some help.

I think a lot of you in here are giving advice thats good for bibby but not so much his sister. I know you want to see where things stand, but do you really want to chance screwing with her head like that?

I think I'd dig for more information. Start with "This may sound strange, but I think im your 1/2 brother... Do you know the history behind your parents?"

Don't get into details, just see how she responds. Maybe she has been looking for you? Maybe she will think your just another psycho stalker on MySpace because her mom never told her such a thing. Maybe its not even the right girl. I'd get more info before I wrote her a 2 page history of her life and mess with her head.

[Tradition_F]

Re: got a wierd problem. need some help.

wow, thats quite a predicament...if i were you i would just tell her. she may have a stepfather and consider him her dad, but it would be nice for her to know who her true father is. it will probably be up to you to tell her about him and explain what happened, because it sounds like her mother is going to deny it. its all up to you in the end, but just put yourself in her position...would you want to be told? good luck.

[Shodown]

Re: got a wierd problem. need some help.

Damn Roger, thats tough. If it were me, I'd contact her just to say hey and tell her you are her 1/2 brother. You dont have to tell her how your dad died or why. Hell, she may even be looking for you for all you know! She might want to know more about her/your father cuz her b1tch of a mother may have filled her head with crap about him that isnt true and you could straighten it out and as you said, let her know he was actually a great guy.

Good luck bro and I hope everything works out for you. :)

[HokieBird]

Re: got a wierd problem. need some help.

That's a hard choice. On one hand it would be nice to get it off you chest, but on the other she is at a age where she may not be ready to hear about all of this yet.

I don't really know what you tell you, but good luck we are all hoping for the best either way.

[Fbody3400]

Re: got a wierd problem. need some help.

Don't stress out over this bibby. Light up a cig :p

I don't have much advice too offer because i really have no idea to handle the situation either. I just wish you the best through all of it and hope it works out well

[Cam]

Re: got a wierd problem. need some help.

whoa, I would want to know if I was her.

[Mighty Thor]

Re: got a wierd problem. need some help.

whoa, I would want to know if I was her.

Holly Outer Underwear Batman!!

If you are her, F-body must be strong in your daddy's gene.

[ONLNTM5A]

Re: got a wierd problem. need some help.

I just kind of skimmed over your post, but are there any of your immediate family members that you can talk to get some input as to what you should do? If not, and I just had to find out, I would contact her on Myspace or Email, and tell her that you believe that your family and her family may have known each other at one time, many years ago. Ask her if she would be interested in finding out if your suspicions are correct, and then go from there. Make sure that she knows that you are not trying to start something up with her, but that you were just curious to find out if you had “met” her whenever she was 3 years old, or whatever age she was when you last saw her. Tell her your name and your parent’s names, etc., and see if anything rings a bell. I wouldn’t mention too many details about your father, until you find out that she remembers her father having the same name. If she tells you her back ground as she remembers it, and it doesn’t match, then I would let it go for her sake. Just be creative, and play dumb about it, as you bow out from the pursuit of your curiosity. It may turn out that she is looking for you as well, but you can’t spill the beans unless you are sure that she can handle the truth, because some people can’t handle the truth psychologically speaking.

Anyway, be careful and good luck (also, sorry to hear about your father).